parenting, Uncategorized

I’m Not a Super Mom

 

 

 

“I don’t know how you do what you do. You’re a super mom”

Most mothers would love hearing those words but it made me feel awkward. Of course I said thank you and I thought it was very sweet but what I should have said was that I’m not any stronger than you are. I’m just a mom trying to make it with the hand I was dealt. It was tough being a mom dealing with a son with cancer, a son with autism, a daughter with a speech delay and living apart from my wife for a year. Thankfully I had help from my amazing parents. But I don’t believe I was doing anything that any other mother wouldn’t do in my situation. I’m not a super mom. I was the mom that was in the ocean doing the doggy paddle trying to keep my kids on the raft. I was in survival mode the year that Nathan was diagnosed and treated for cancer. I wasn’t a super mom. I just didn’t have a choice but to keep going despite all the obstacles that were thrown at me.

I’m here to tell everyone I don’t have it all together. It wasn’t and still isn’t pretty some days. I’m not the best mom ever. I have accepted that I can’t do it all. I have accepted that I’m not perfect and life won’t always go as planned. I’m just a mom giving it 110% to set my kids up for success. Parenting shouldn’t be a competition anyway. I know I’m no better than the mom next door. I believe that we are all just trying our hardest for the kids we love. Wanting to be the best at everything can be toxic. Wanting to post your perfect family and perfect life on social media for everyone to see is exhausting. We shouldn’t feel like we need to show the world that we have it all together. For a long time I felt like I needed to do that. I took a step back from my phone and social media when Nathan was sick. I simply didn’t have time to be on my phone constantly taking pictures and scrolling through feeds. I still have social media accounts but I went from posting pictures daily to only checking my feed occasionally. I stopped living behind my phone for the first time in a long time. I started living in the moment with my kids. Taking a step back has been one of the best things to happen to me. I am happier now that I’m not constantly feeling the pressure to capture every moment on camera and post it for everyone to see.

So on this Mother’s Day I am cutting myself some slack and taking the pressure off of me. I am not a super mom and I don’t have to be. My goal is to be the best mom I can be for my kids and take care of me too. I started celebrating Mother’s Day early this past week when Nathan and Alex arrived in Michigan. Having my whole crew of littles and not so littles anymore all in one place filled me with so much happiness. I would say that this was by far the best Mother’s Day I’ve ever had. Healthy and happy children around me.

~M

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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cancer, graduation, med school, moving, parenting, Uncategorized

2017 RECAP

Well since I skipped a whole 2 years of blogging I’ve decided to do a recap of 2017 and then I’ll take on 2018 next. I can honestly say that 2017 had more ups and downs than any other year in my life. So many amazing things happened but several lows came my way too. The year ended with one devastating blow pushing it to the top of the list of worst year I’ve ever had. The year got off to a great start. In March Quinn turned two. Her personality grew just as fast as her hair did. Those crazy curls and her sweet smile  She is our little tornado princess. It’s impossible stay mad at her because of how cute she is!

In May it finally happened. Leslie finally graduated from medical school. It was such an amazing weekend full of celebrating all of her hard work. I can honestly say those 4 years were the longest years of my life!

She matched to an internal medicine residency in Warren, Michigan that would start in July. While her 4 years of medical school were over it was time for the next step. Her 3 year residency program would begin July 1st and even though.

We made the most of our summer and enjoyed time with friends and family. I would say that our favorite part of the summer was our week at the beach with my family. We had some great family pictures made. The kids LOVE the water and had so much fun playing in the sand. It was a great getaway for our family.

It wasn’t an ideal situation but the kids and I were not able to make the move with her that summer. We agreed that I would make the move to Michigan at the end of November or early December. Nathan was entering into his senior year of high school with his senior football season starting in in August. This was going to be such a big year for him and we knew that I couldn’t miss it.

We put Noah into a ABA (Autism Behavioral Analysis) Preschool full-time. He made so much progress in there summer program that we decided to pull him out of the public school blended class to be at the therapy center to help better prepare him for kindergarten. In this environment his teachers are trained to work with autistic children and could help shape and change any undesired behaviors this crucial year before kindergarten.

We had Quinn’s speech evaluated after she turned 2. They determined that she had a significant speech delay and would need speech therapy at least 2 days a week. She started speech therapy with the sweetest speech therapist. They encouraged us to have her around kids as much as possible because with Noah being very limited verbally she would benefit being in a environment with typical children to help improve her language. So she continued at her Mother’s Day Out Program twice a week.  She loved being the center of attention there and  she loved her teacher, Ms. Fiona. I think Ms Fiona just might be her favorite person ever. Being with the other children helped tremendously with her speech delay and her expressive language shot through the roof!

Nathan’s senior football season was amazing. I loved volunteering with the other Senior Moms to do things for the boys. I loved every min of watching him play. He was kicking better than ever. He kicked over 70 points for the year. They went undefeated in the regular season making them Division Champs. He was voted onto the All State Team for kicking and punting. He was Kicker of the Year for Greater Nashville Area. I could not have been prouder of the way he ended his high school football career.

I left my job the middle of November to get ready for the move to Michigan in December. I had started working at St Thomas when I was 20 years old. It was my first “real job”. I worked there while I finished school then took a night shift position in the respiratory department after I completed my degree. It was not just a place I worked. These coworkers were my family and my dearest friends. This wasn’t just a job for me because I loved what I did. I loved taking care of my patients in the ICU. I loved the challenge of taking care of the sickest patients in the hospital. To say I was sad to leave was an understatement but it was incredibly sweet of all my coworkers to make sure I knew how much I would be missed.

At the end of November with football season over we finally made the move to Michigan. The kids were excited to be in a new space and loved playing in our new backyard. There was so much to explore. They barely stayed inside for more than a few mins. Noah was able to start into a new preschool after being there for a week. I was super anxious about it but because the class only had 6 students and then there was a teacher and her assistant in the room. I still needed to set up ABA therapy but was happy to go ahead and get him started on a schedule. I had plenty to do to keep me busy around the house. When we got there Les hadn’t done much other than move her clothes into the closet and set up the TV. The house felt like a sad blank space and I needed the house to feel like home as soon as possible. I spent hours unpacking, organizing and decorating the house. Eventually I started to see a glimmer of this being home!

On November 31st I received a call that knocked the breath out of me. Nathan had been having persistent knee pain despite football being over. I scheduled an appointment with a orthopedic doctor. My dad called and said that the doctor isn’t worried about his knee his more concerned about the mass or cyst below his knee and they were sending him for a MRI. My dad is a preacher with no medical background so I called the doctors office myself. Once I was on the phone with the doctor he told me that the x-ray showed a tumor just below his knee and believed it was cancer. When I hung up I started frantically looking for flights and packing bags for myself and the kids. Booked 3 one way tickets back to Nashville for the next morning. Les dropped us off at the airport and kissed us goodbye not knowing when we’d be back in Michigan. Then there we were back in Nashville in less than 2 weeks. Nathan’s father and I sat in the waiting room of Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital with Nathan waiting for him to have multiple scans and tests. I was terrified to put it lightly. Then begins the long story of Nathan’s diagnosis and treatment and I’ll share all about that in posts to come. (The cancer in Nathan’s leg is illuminated in bright white in the picture below.)

But these last photos are of the kids together December 2017. We had no idea how Nathan would feel or how much weight he would lose once treatment began so I had a friend do a photo shoot of them together for me. I absolutely love how they turned out.

Then to round out 2017 I have a few photos from Christmas with our family.

And there it is 2017’s Recap!

~M

Uncategorized

Mothers Day

As much I would love to say that Mothers Day is one of my favorite days I can’t. Now don’t get me wrong I enjoy Mothers Day and the precious little cards and homemade gifts I’ve received over the years from Nathan. But generally I spend a lot of time worrying on Mothers Day. I worry about the people I know that have lost their mothers. I worry about friends that are estranged from their mothers simply because they are who they are. The mothers I know and many that I don’t who that have lost their children. The women who desperately want to be mothers and it hasn’t happened for them. I worry about all the women who don’t enjoy Mothers Day and it makes me sad. So in the past I’ve tried to send some encouraging word to some of the women I know that have a hard time on Mothers Day. It is just one day and it’s gone in a blink.
So as much as I worry, I do promise that I will enjoy my simple Mothers Day with my sweet little family. I will be thankful for how blessed I am to have an amazing mother that loves me, accepts me, and supports me. I will be thankful for my beautiful boys and how they fill my heart with so much joy.

This is my mom and my boys. Love her to no end.

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~M