Overwhelmed

Every parent has fears and worries for their children. They may worry that their child may not be accepted or deal with bullying one day. Especially as a gay parent, I know I’ve worried about what Noah might face having two moms. I have worried about the discrimination he might face growing up but here lately I’ve silently been dealing with new fears and worries. I have felt quite overwhelmed recently and decided that it might help me if I wrote about what’s going on.
Noah turned two back in November and he still isn’t talking. He babbles and makes noises but still says only two words clearly and none really consistently. Our pediatrician mentioned some concerns at his 12 month check up and again at his 18 month visit but also suggested that maybe he just needed more time, that boys tend to be slower to talk. Now here we are at 26 months old and he’s still not talking. And I feel panicked and stressed that he’s so far behind other toddlers his age. Despite knowing I shouldn’t compare him to other children I can’t help but do it. I feel so overwhelmed seeing how far he needs to go to catch up.
At our two year visit we discussed the delay in his speech and discuss the possibility that this might be more than a speech delay. We’ve asked about a possible hearing deficiency or autism or aspergers. We aren’t afraid of the possible diagnosis’s just wish I knew why he wasn’t talking. The doc doesn’t seem to think that he fits into either of those categories of autism or aspergers but just simply believes that speech therapy is the key to helping him. So we’ve started down that road. We have a speech evaluation referral and hopefully will be starting therapy in the next couple of weeks. To rule out a hearing deficit he’s had not one but two hearing screenings. The first screening left me feeling unsure and questioning the results bc the told me he was on the low end of normal but offered no real explanations. After the second screening we feel confident that it is not his hearing. That screening at Tennessee School for the Deaf went really well and we felt like he was responding well and they covered all areas of concern.
So now I am hopeful that we’ll have everything going that he needs very soon.
I can’t say enough how sweet and loving our precious boy is. He gives the best kisses and hugs. He brightens our home with his energy, contagious smiles and laughter. He brings such joy and happiness to all of our lives already that I can’t imagine how much more our world would change hearing his sweet voice express his thoughts and feelings. But if he never says a word I’ll love him just the same.

I’ll give another update soon.

~M

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The Deed is Done

All went well last weekend. I literally had to remind myself we were inseminating the next day when I was leaving for work Friday night. All goes to show that this time is very different from the last. I left … Continue reading

It’s time!

It’s time! We will be inseminating this weekend. I can’t believe that it’s here already and we will be starting this roller coaster over again. Right now I don’t feel any stress and pressure but I know its coming. I have a distant memory of the disappointment and sadness that I felt when we weren’t successful. I can tell you that I am not looking forward to revisiting those feelings again. I’m hoping that maybe this time I will be too busy chasing after Noah and keeping up with all that Nathan has going on this summer to be bummed out if we aren’t successful.

So fingers crossed.

~M

We’re Ready

We talked to our donor and he’s willing to do the same day insemination again. He said that it wasn’t an inconvenience and didn’t mind doing it like we did last time. We are super relieved and excited that he said yes so now I guess we’re ready to get started! The only thing I’m really worried about is the tight time window that we have to work with. We only have two months to try to conceive this time. I know that we may not be as lucky as we were last time with Noah. As of right now we are planning on trying in June and July. We will be living in Nashville for the summer so it will be easy to plan but if it doesn’t take either of those months then we will have to wait until Nov and Dec to try again. : (

I am doing my best to think positively but I find myself not wanting to get my hopes up either. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and if we aren’t succesful this summer it will be okay.

Well I guess that’s the only update I have for now…

I’ve added some pictures from Easter Sunday. Our boys looked especially handsome and I am so happy with the pictures we got that day! : )

 

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Easter Photo Shoot

Our little guy had his first little photo shoot with live animals…of course we didn’t catch him smiling in any of them but at least he didn’t cry!

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Noah loved the fake carrots that came along with the bunny shots. He kept trying to eat them!

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He really liked the chicks but they kept running away from him, Ha! He smiled and laughed at them when they first brought them out but as soon as the photographer started to shoot no smiles for the camera. Of course!

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The little lamb was adorbale…I think Noah may have thought it was a dog. As you can see from the pictures he barely paid it any attention.

 

So no smiling pictures but I still love them! He couldn’t have been more handsome in his Easter outfit!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

~M

 

Spring is Here!!!

I have never been so happy for it to be Spring! This has been the coldest winter I have ever endured. I am so happy the weather is finally warming up and the earth is going to be GREEN again! We were lucky enough that Leslie and Nathan had the same Spring Break this year so we packed up on Friday after Les’s exam and headed to Nashville. I scheduled  appointments with Noah’s pediatrician and our RE while we were in town.

On Monday we hit the ground running. Noah had his 15 month check up a month late. Bless his little heart he at 16 months weighs 23 pounds and is 30.5 inches tall. He was below average in both categories 20th percentile for weight and 16th percentile for height. Nathan was exactly the same way so no real surprise to me anyway. During the visit he wasn’t exactly his charming self. He screamed anytime the doctor or nurse touched him. He was a hot mess to say the least! I guess he felt the impending doom of the shots coming from the time we walked in the door. But we made it through the shots and he survived. The only concern that we talked about was that he isn’t using real words yet. They usually have approximately 3 words by 16 months and Noah’s not there yet. He can say Bye-Bye and Yay. But those are the only words that he’s saying. And signing words doesn’t count. So we’re going to keep working with him and I think we’re going to start a Mother’s Day Out kind of program in May. Just two days a week for 4-5 hours. It’ll be good for him.

So after his appointment we went to see our RE who happens to have his new office in the same building. Of course Noah passed out in the waiting room before we had a chance to show him off to our favorite doctor and his staff. My check up went well then we had the chance to talk to him about how we were ready to start things up again. We discussed having him write an order for the fertility clinic to collect and store the sperm from our donor. He said he’s willing to do whatever we need but suggested to save money that we just try to do same day fresh insemination with our donor again. Considering that is how we got pregnant last time he just thinks that it may be the best way to try again this time. So I’m going to contact our donor to see if he’d be willing to do it that way again. Fingers crossed if he says yes and we can hopefully give it a try in June and July!

 

 

Sixteen Months Old

Sixteen months old. Wow. Time just flies.

Noah is such a happy little guy. I love spending each day with him. He always makes me laugh.

Look at all he can do…

He can feed himself. He’s not the best eater but some of his favorites are raisins, blueberries, bananas, yogurt and pasta.

He can sign: Milk, All done, More and Eat.

He can do the motions to Itsy Bitsy Spider.

He loves to clap and say “Yay” when a song is over or if anyone else is clapping.

He loves to read books. He pulls all the books off of his shelf and brings them to me to read.

He really gets into his games on the iPad. If we ever need to distract him all you have to do is bring that out and its instant quite and calm.

He loves being outside. No need for toys though. He wants to pick up leaves and sticks while exploring. He experienced snow for the first time a few weeks ago but he loved it!

You’ll be able to tell from the pictures that I included that Noah loves loves loves bath time. As soon as I say the word bath he goes running to the bathroom. Some nights he refuses to get out and will sit in the tub with all the toys even though I’ve already drained the water out! Ha!

Hope you enjoy these photos of Noah from the past few weeks : )

 

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~M

Just a little Family Photo Shoot

I was so thrilled about doing Noah’s One year Photos and getting our family photos in too. It was a beautiful Fall day in Knoxville when we had these done and I can’t thank Sissy Sullivan enough for doing such a wonderful job.

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11 Months Old

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Noah turned 11 months old October 12th and here we are a day away from this month being over.

He weighs 20.8 lbs which is no different from last month but he grew an inch and a half! He is now 28 1/2 inches tall!

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I CAN…..

Take Several Steps~ Wobbly for sure but he’s getting better each day!

Give Great Kisses~ They are wet and he doesn’t always give them on command but they are so sweet when he does!

Clap My Hands~ My favorite thing he’s learned so far. Been working hard on this one. He holds one had still and strums the other but it’s clapping to us!

I LOVE….

Watching Musicals.~ His favorite is Hairspray.

The Vacuum Cleaner. ~ Cleaning the floor has never been so exciting. He just squeals and claps! He’s my biggest fan. Ha!

Playing with Magnet Letters.~ I spend a lot of time picking up little magnet letters off the floor than I do anything else. He leaves a trail wherever he goes.

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Such a fun month of firsts. Just when I think I couldn’t love him anymore another day happens and I just adore him more and more. I thank God every day for blessing us with such a sweet baby boy.

The Big Day

I’m a little late posting the update from our Adoption Day but wanted to share a few pictures from our special day!

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August 6th started with our whole family loading up and heading to downtown to the courthouse in Nashville. Noah was in a great mood and good thing because it was a long day.

Everyone in Davidson county doing an adoption for the month of August is told to be there that day. There were about 12 cases on the docket. Because adoptions aren’t public each family has to go in one at a time and they don’t post the order you will be going. So you really have no idea when you’ll be called. So we did our best to entertain Noah and keep him happy.

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We were lucky enough to have one amazing attorney! Her name was Erica Johnson and she happens to be one of our closest friends. We were her first official adoption case. So this was a BIG day for her too. We have been close friends with her and her partner Jen for years. It made it so special for us to be able to have her represent us during this process. She did an amazing job and we can’t say thank you enough!

After almost a 2 hour wait we were finally called! It was our turn. We all filed into the courtroom. We stood in front of the judge and Erica took turns asking Leslie and I a few questions. Then the judge said the words that we had been waiting to hear…”I find that it is in the best interest of this child, Noah Harrison, to be adopted by these two.” It was such an amazing feeling! Then he asked if we would like to take a few pictures! We all gathered around his desk for a little photo opp!

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He was such a nice guy. Even asked for us to send copies of the pictures we took to his office. Noah received his first sucker from the judge and was more fascinated with that than anything else.

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It was a long day and you could tell that Noah was exhausted when we were leaving but I was so proud of how he acted. No crying or screaming. It was a perfect day.  Oh and not to forget it was also Leslie’s birthday!

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We celebrated Leslie’s Birthday that night with a few of our closest friends. I successfully surprised her for the first time! Told her none of our friends were available to hang out. Told her I forgot to get a cake. And didn’t have time to get her a gift. But little did she know…I was able to get everyone together to surprise her and topped it off with a strawberry cake with buttercream icing for her. : ) I was so happy that she was surprised! Such a great day!

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Ten Months Old

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Well our little guy is 10 months old. He is such a ham! This was one of the poses I got for our monthly photo shoot. Can we say future model? Ha! He always make me laugh.

Tried several times to get him to sit and he wasn’t having any of that. We’ve discovered after comparing him to many other babies his age that Noah is a VERY active baby. He is always on the move and making noise the whole time. We are going to have are hands full when he starts walking!

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This month Noah weighed 20.8 lbs and he was 27 inches tall!

Noah Loves…

*Standing by himself. Oh he can stand like a champ but no walking yet.

*Eating yogurt melts and puffs. Before I feed him his lunch and dinner I put these on his tray and he has gotten so much better at feeding himself. Half of them still end up on the floor but he’s getting better all the time.

*Drinking from my sippy cup. He gets so excited when he sees his sippy cup but is by no means an expert yet.

*Opening cabinet doors. Luckily the only things in the lower cabinets are can foods, pots, pans and tupperware. But when he gets in the kitchen he loves to get them open and pull things out.

*Examining everyone’s mouth. We have a future dentist on our hands.

*Watching Baby Einstein. The one thing that will put him in a trance in seconds is Baby Einstein. No clue what it is about those strange videos but I promise they work!

I know I say it every month but I still can’t belive its been 10 months. It’s just going by so fast.

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~M

Step in the Right Direction!

June 26th will go down as a day that America took a step forward. It was a great step towards equality. The United States Supreme Court ruled that DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) is unconstitutional and Prop 8 in California was struck down. Now marriage equality has returned to the State of California and LGBT couples in the 13 states that recognize gay marriage will receive federal benefits. I spent the day glued to the television. I cried and I cheered. I think the last time I felt that much joy was the day Noah was born.

Even though Leslie and I were legally married in Massachusetts back in 2011 we live in Tennessee a state that does not recognize gay marriage. Because of this we will not be receiving federal benefits yet. So while its time to celebrate these two victories we have to remember that there are still 37 states where we aren’t viewed as equal. The fight is not over but it is such a huge step in the right direction.

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7 Months Old

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Noah Seven Months Old and He is so much fun! He is such a sweet little guy and I just treasure each day with him. At 7 months he weighs 18.8 lbs. Still no teeth but not for the lack of trying! I just know that any day now he will have one pop into view.

So at 7 months he LOVES…

*Babbling and making noise. Noah has become very chatty. He says “babababa” and “dadadada”. Squealing about anything and everything has become the norm. He grunts and makes all kinds of crazy noises when he eats. It is too funny to listen too. We keep trying to get him to add a “mamama” in his line up but he hasn’t yet, maybe next month! : )

*Putting everything in my mouth. Oh boy! This couldn’t be more true. He has been teething like crazy and those little teeth are causing Noah quite a but of pain. He’s having trouble sleeping through the night because of the discomfort.

*Army Crawling everywhere. He is officially on the move! He can get from point A to B in no time on his belly just using his arms. He will get up on his knees and rock back and worth but has yet to truly crawl. He cracks us up when he going into a plank position or he other favorite looks like “downward dog”. (I’ll post some of the pictures we have of that later.)

*Playing with bath toys. We introduced bath toys now that he can sit up by himself in his tub! I didn’t think it was possible for him to love bath time anymore but I was wrong. His favorite are his foam bath letters. Of course they go straight to his mouth. There are so many of them that he doesn’t know which one to grab first. He’ll go from one letter to the next tasting them all! Ha!

*Nana’s dogs. My mom has two little dogs, Harley – the yorkie and Bentley – maltiepoo. Noah loves loves loves those two! He just watches them wherever they go. He will just laugh and laugh at them when they play or bark. He enjoys being in the floor with them and I’ve decided that it must be because they are just his size!

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Its been a wonderful month with Noah. He is quite the charmer. I’ve never seen Les so smitten. He just lights up the room and can’t help but be happy around him.

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