autism, parenting, supportive, Uncategorized

7 Things Not To Say To An Autism Parent

I have found myself in conversations with people with good intentions that had no idea how offensive their comments or questions were. It can be an awkward situation if you meet an autism parent and don’t know what to say. So I’ll share a few of the things I suggest not to say.


1. He doesn’t look like he has autism. He looks normal.

Of course he looks normal. He is normal but no he’s not typical. Kids who have autism don’t have specific look to them. Just say you have a handsome son.

2. What is his special gift? What can he do? 

There is a misconception that just because you have autism that you must have special abilities. He’s not a circus animal. While this is true for some with autism, it is not true for all of them. You could say what kind of things does your son enjoy doing?

3. What do you think caused it? Was he vaccinated?

We don’t know what caused it and neither does the medical community yet so I suggest that you just don’t ask that. And before you ask the vaccination question you should brace yourself because that one just about pushes me over the edge. I don’t believe vaccinations were the cause. The physician that years ago started that awful theory fabricated his research and he lost his medical license. I know that others have also pushed this theory but I have yet to read anything compelling enough to make me believe there is any truth to it. So again, I don’t know what caused it but I can’t change it. All I can do now is do my best to get him the best therapy and support he needs to be successful.

4. Have you tried changing his diet?

This question isn’t necessarily offensive when asked unless you are trying to suggest that I haven’t done everything in my power already to help my son. Some children with autism are VERY picky eaters. (And yes this can be true of typical kids too.) In our case Noah has less than 10 foods that he will eat. So tell me more about your suggestion to only cook one meal and that he’ll eat when he’s hungry. Yeah…no. He’d rather starve. You can try the starvation method on your own child but what I’ll do is offer new foods and encourage him to try them but I will not force him to eat new foods. I’ve learned to pick my battles.

5. My child has meltdowns too. Have you tried disciplining him or being more strict?

Please do not compare your child’s temper tantrum to an autism meltdown. These two things are not the same in the least. When my child is having a meltdown he doesn’t even have the words to tell me what is wrong. It could be that the room is overwhelming him or that doesn’t understand why he can’t do something. He can’t even tell me what I can do to help him. It is one of the most helpless feelings an autism parent has. So no I can’t try discipline. I can’t spank the autism out of him. What I can do is utilize the tools I’ve been given by his therapists to notice the signs of a meltdown coming on and try to prevent scenarios that can cause a meltdown. I am hyper aware of my surroundings now when we are out and about. I can usually spot a possible meltdown trigger from a mile away.

6. I read this article on autism and I think you should try…

This is a tough one. I have done countless hours of research concerning autism. I actually get regular emails from organizations that are doing on going research about autism. I can assure you that I am well educated and up to date on the latest information. But with that said, I am always willing to read an article with a new point of view. In this case instead of giving your recommendations based on the article you should probably just say I read an interesting article about autism, can I share it with you?

7. I’m so sorry.

I have said this in previous posts but I’ll say it again. PLEASE don’t say I’m so sorry when I tell you that my son has autism, like it’s such a terrible thing that you need to feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for me. Some days are really tough and we have more obsticles but most days are wonderful. Noah is a blessing. He brings me so much joy. He has changed the way I see the world. He has taught me what true patience is, taught me to be a kinder human and made me a better mom. I only post about our autism journey to help bring awareness not to seek your pity. Your support and kindness are the things that autism parents want.


I hope that if you find yourself in a situation where you are talking to an autism parent that you’ll remember the things NOT to say.




autism, lesbian family, parenting, Special Needs Parent, supportive, Uncategorized

Making Autism Look Good

April is Autism Awareness Month and I have to take a minute to talk about our sweet boy and his journey.

Three years ago I knew very little about autism. We didn’t know that 1 in 68 children are diagnosed with autism, boys are 4 times as likely to have it and early intervention is key. I had all the typical assumptions that autism was a disorder where the child made no eye contact, had melt downs, non social, not affectionate, and a child locked inside themselves. The truth is that autism can present itself differently in every child diagnosed. We have learned Noah is all about eye contact, has very few melt downs, is very social, extremely affectionate, and is not locked inside himself at all. But we did learn that he had many of the classic early signs of autism.

Noah was a happy and healthy baby. He was developmentally on track and met all of the milestones that each baby achieves in the first year. When it came time for his first words we waited patiently but they never came. He babbled a lot but still no words. This was our first sign that something was wrong but just assumed that he would just start talking in his own time. Our next sign was that he did not answer to his name.We thought that he was just ignoring us and being stubborn. At one point we even thought that he might have a hearing deficit. Then our next sign was when we noticed he wasn’t playing with toys like other kids his age he was fixated on lining them up and organizing them by color or size. He wouldn’t point to anything he wanted. He wouldn’t mimic our sounds or facial expressions. He couldn’t understand simple directions and it would always upset him when he couldn’t do what we were asking of him. Large crowds and loud environments seem to overwhelm him. He loved to dump everything he could get his hands on: cups of water, baskets of clothes, boxes of toys, etc.

At his 18 month check up my heart sank as we answered no over and over again to the questions that they asked about what he was able to do and say. Realizing just how far behind he was developmentally. I remember crying as we left his appointment thinking this was something that I could have prevented or done more as a mom to help him. But the truth is that there is nothing I could have done. We were referred to our states early intervention program. They came to our home to evaluate him and  determined that he had significant development and speech delays.  He also had sensory processing problems. We began speech, occupational, and developmental therapy. We slowly started seeing progress. Two months before his 3rd birthday we finally received his official diagnosis of autism.

 They strongly encouraged us to put him in blended pre-K class at our local elementary school. As hard as that was we did it and he has just bloomed since then. He is talking more and more. He knows his colors, shapes, letters, and numbers. He can identify body parts and animals. He still struggles with expressive and receptive language but we are making progress. He can tell us when he wants to eat or wants a drink now but has trouble telling us other things that he wants or needs. If he has injured himself somehow he cannot tell you what hurts or where he is hurting. He is getting better at understanding directions and things that we are asking of him but that is still a daily struggle.
Being a parent of a child with special needs is something I never imagined I would experience but here we are. It’s our new normal. We celebrate all of his progress and all of his successes no matter how small they may be. We don’t take for granted that he is such a loving and sweet soul. We adore him and would never change him.

We are beyond thrilled with his progress and know the reason he is doing so well is because of early intervention! I can’t say enough to parents about seeking answers when you see red flags. We can’t wait to see what the future holds for our little guy! We know he’s going to do great things and continue to teach us about the beauties of autism!
***He still sings all the time. He loves singing his ABC’s, Head Shoulders Knees and Toes, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and many other nursery rhymes. I’ve added a few short videos of him singing and talking.




~ M

equality, gay family, gay rights, lesbian, lesbian moms, lesbians, lesbians ttc, LGBT, rainbow family\, supportive, Uncategorized

Throwing Stones at Our Own

I came across a post on the Curve Magazine Facebook page of a young couple holding a fundraiser to help them pay for their baby making process. This is a young couple that lives in Denver, CO and from what I gathered they are photographers. They are offering “perks” for donations and are trying to raise $6,500. I smiled when I saw this thinking to myself…”This is pretty clever. We should have thought of a fundraiser!” Then I started slowly scrolling through the comments and was shocked and saddened by what I read… “If they want a baby shouldn’t they be able to afford one on their own? Just my opinion”, “Wait till you have to pay childcare, ladies. If you can’t afford a baby now, the cost of raising one is really going to shock you.”, “If you can’t afford to make it you probably can’t afford to support it.”, “I find this to be an odd way to have a child….children are expensive if you can’t afford to produce one how can you afford to raise one?”, “even though I already commented I just had to come back to say that NO ONE should give money to this..stop the madness!!!”… Now, I remind you that these are all other lesbians. So just because this couple decided to seek help in raising the money for their attempts we should assume that they can’t afford to raise a child or deserve one?!? Wow! What is wrong with our community AND When did we become so hateful to each other? Is it just me or do you not feel that we as lesbians need to be supportive of each other in our efforts to start families. Now of course I don’t expect everyone to donate money to their cause but at least support the fact that a loving couple is excited to start their own family and wish them well. These people with the negative comments are acting like because they are holding this fundraiser that they are saying they can’t afford a child. They’re NOT asking for help in raising their child, they’re simply creating a fundraiser to help with their attempts to get pregnant. I’ve known more than one straight couple that has held a fundraiser to help with the expenses of adoption and no one throws stones at them. No one assumes that they don’t have the money to pay for the child once its theirs. Why are we throwing stones at our own?

Raising a baby is not ALL about money. Yes, children cost money (I know. I have two of them.) but they aren’t as crazy expensive as everyone’s comments are making them out to be. You can find ways to save money and afford the essentials. Most of all a baby needs love, attention, stability and I’m sure this couple can handle that.

We have a whole new generation of LGBT who see that we deserve to have families just like straight couples! Twenty years ago most gay and lesbian couples never even thought of trying to have children…now its 2013 and we live in a whole new world of access and availability to try to start families. Straight couples can get pregnant without a penny spent. They have an unlimited supply of sperm and can try whenever they want to. And I would dare say that many of them aren’t financially prepared. I would like to see how many capable straight couples would be getting pregnant if they had to come up with $1000 a month to try!

I am so disappointed in the reactions that these girls received. Most of you know how costly it is to make a baby in our world. Most of you saved up for months and maybe years to do so. I know Les and I had to stop trying at one point because we ran out of money. What is so wrong with this couple just asking for help?!? If a stranger wants and can afford to donate to their cause then good for them! Some may think it’s odd or weird but who cares! Don’t give if you don’t want to give. Scroll past if you don’t support them but why send out these nasty messages to them. What ever happened to…”If you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all.” ?

We live in a world with so much hate directed at the LGBT community. We are battling daily for equality. We long for the day that our marriages are recognized and we are seen as equal. We want to put a stop to the hate that we face but yet we are turning on our own people!

“You must BE the change that you want to see in the World!”- Gandhi

Here is a link to Jennie and Heather’s Fundraiser if you’d like to take a peek…

lesbian moms, lesbians, moving, pregnancy, supportive, Uncategorized


We finally got the news that we have been waiting for…Les was accepted into Med School! I can’t say enough how proud I am of her and all of her hard work. When she didn’t get in last year we were super disappointed but the wait was well worth it. She will start school August 2013! We have about 10 months get our house sold, me find a job, decide where to live, find Nathan a school, and pack up and move to southern Alabama. Of course moving further into the Bible Belt was not my first choice but we decided a long time ago that we would be willing to go wherever she was accepted.

I will admit that leaving all of our friends and leaving my family makes me sad. We have a great support system here and I know that we will be starting from scratch once we move. I am super close with my family. I see and talk to my family on a daily basis. My sister and her family live 10 mins away. My grandparents and parents both live just 2 streets away from us. From day one I have always had the help of my parents when its come to raising Nate and they pretty much think of him as the 4th child they never had. This move is going to be really hard on them…well honestly its going to be really hard on all of us. I know moving over 6 hours away, with 2 boys and a wife that will be beyond busy with school, is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Hoping by then that I will have adjusted to being the mom of 2 instead of 1. I’m scared and excited all at the same time.

Right now I’m trying to take it one day at a time and not get overwhelmed. We’re going to focus on getting Noah here safely in the next 6 to 7 weeks before we start looking in to renting the U-Hauls for our big move.


baby, gender reveal party, home insemination, lesbian moms, lesbians, pregnant, supportive, Uncategorized

The Big Reveal!!!

Halfway!!! I can’t believe that we are Halfway through this pregnancy! We had our 20 week visit and the big ultrasound this week. We went into the ultrasound knowing that we did not want to know the sex of the baby right then. So we told the Ultrasound Tech not to tell us the sex but to write it down and put it in an envelope for us because we had planned a reveal party for that night with my family and a few friends. The ultrasound was amazing! The baby kept turning, flipping and kicking while we were trying to look at it. She was able to visualize all the major organs and everything looked great! It was such a relief to see a healthy growing baby on the screen. At the end she handed us the envelope and believe it or not I wasn’t even tempted to peek at it. We went straight to the bakery where we dropped off the envelope. We already discussed the reveal cake with the bakery. The inside of  the cake would be pink if it was a girl and blue if it were a boy. The outside was white with the words ” He or She? Open to See!” written on the cake.

The day seemed to drag by and I think if I hadn’t taken a nap that it would have felt even longer. We picked the cake up at 6:30pm and made the long drive across town to meet everyone at the restuarant. The anticipation was building and everyone couldn’t believe that Les and I didn’t even know what would be in the cake. It wasn’t easy not finding out but we wanted everyone there with us to help celebrate the moment. And what a moment it was…you can see a video clip of the Big Reveal thanks to my brother-in-law! Enjoy!

The Big Reveal

Wow…such a flood of emotions and so happy! Hope you enjoyed! Looks like we’ll be having a little Noah!!! AHHHH!!!! Its a BOY!!! Still in shock!!!

artificial insemination, baby, home insemination, ICI, insemination, intracervical insemination, intrauterine insemination, IUI, lesbian, lesbian moms, lesbians, lesbians ttc, LGBT, pregnancy, sperm donors, supportive, trying to conceive, TTC, Uncategorized

It’s Official

Well its official the Doc says I’m 100% pregnant. Not that I didn’t already know it but hearing it from him makes us feel better! Bright and early this morning we went to my appointment. While in the waiting room our doctor’s nurse came to get another patient and spotted us. She gave us a big grin and said, “Hey Ladies! So happy to see you guys! Can’t wait to hear how this came about!”. We were called back  a few mins later and of course she wants to know how this all happened. So I give her the quick run down about how we had decided we couldn’t wait the 6 months for the clinic. Ordered everything online that we needed for the home insemination. Picked up the fresh swimmers from our donor 2 days in a row. Then did the inseminations ourselves. She just kept saying, “He is just going to die when he hears this news! This is amazing! I’m so excited!” Ha! It was so sweet. So our 3rd Wheel pokes his head around the corner while I was still sitting at the nurses desk answering questions and he has this big smile on his face. She says to him, “You’ll never believe what they did! They ordered stuff online and did the insemination at home and now they’re pregnant!” He leaned in and gave us both a High-Five, says Congrats and tells us we’ll have to give him all the details once he sees us in the exam room. So a few mins later we’re back in a room and he comes into talk to us. He got a little confused on the details with our insemination and thought that we had done an IUI by ourselves at home! Ha! No Way! It was much easier for him to let everything make sense when we told him that we did ICI at home. We did a quick run down of possible due date and right now he’s saying Nov 15th!!! We were too early to do an ultrasound but have one scheduled in 2 weeks. We discussed all the do’s & don’ts. In that discussion I received the best news ever! I can drink coffee!!!! I mean he said not to go overboard but 1 or 2 cups a day is fine. Sweet Lord… 1 cup is all I need!!! I was so excited I wanted to jump off the exam table and give him a hug! So we left there feeling so lucky and happy to have a doctor and nursing staff that is so supportive of us.

Now on to my other latest business. Last night I decided to tell my little man the big news while he and I were having a Momma & Son dessert date on the couch. Originally Les and I planned to tell him together but last night I couldn’t wait any longer.  She was at work and I just really wanted to tell him. So I said, “Well I’ve got a big surprise for you. You’re……going… be…………(Long pause where he and I both kept laughing bc he said I was smiling funny)……a Big Brother!” It was the best reaction ever! You could see it all over his face! He was so excited! He gave me a big hug and said, “I want a brother please. I’m already outnumbered in the house I need another boy to balance things out.” Ha! So cute! I just adore that boy! He wants to tell everyone now. He wanted to be the ones to tell my parents which was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! Ha! I said sure thing buddy of course you can be the one to tell them. My parents invited us over for dinner so it was the perfect time to go ahead and do it. Les had to work so it was just us two over there and he couldn’t even wait until we sat down to eat. He told them kinda like I told him. He said, “So, Nana and Big Daddy, I’ve got some big news for you. I’m…(pause)….going to be………(pause)….. a Big Brother!” To my amazement they we actually happy, smiling and excited to hear the news! Score! What an awesome feeling?!? They asked a few questions about how far along I was and other little stuff but both kept saying that they we happy and excited for us. Such a relief!

Wow…I am just overwhelmed with all of the love and support that we’re getting right now. I can’t even begin to explain how great it feels to have people happy and excited for me that I’m pregnant. My first pregnancy was not like this at all. I know that it was because of how young I was and because it was very unplanned but there was no celebration when I told the news. I felt ashamed most of the time that I was pregnant and its so great to feel like this is something to be proud of now. Wow….just feels like a dream. So happy that I feel like I could burst!


artificial insemination, blog award, ICI, intracervical insemination, intrauterine insemination, IUI, lesbian moms, lesbians, lesbians ttc, LGBT, Liebster Blog Award, supportive, trying to conceive, TTC, Uncategorized

Liebster Blog Award

Wow! I was honored to receive a Liebster Blog Award by one awesome fellow blogger who is also TTC. Red Nelly, I want to say thank you so much for the recognition. It is much appreciated. I never knew when I started this blog that people would read it, much less enjoy reading it. I love adding humor to our story because this process is stressful and emotional. Lighten the mood with the funny stuff and laughing about all the crazy experiences helps get us through it. Thanks again for honoring me with this award. You can find Red Nelly’s blog at . She has a great blog totally worth checking out.


The Liebster Blog Award is a bit like a really lovely chain letter.  It works like this:

  1. Say thanks to the blogger who nominated you, and link back to them.
  2. List 5 fab blogs with fewer than 200 followers that you feel deserve the Liebster Award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
  3. Copy and paste the award to your blog.
  4. Hope that the 5 people you’ve picked are tickled enough to pass the award onto their 5 Favorites!

With all of that said… I’d like to pass on Liebsters to 5 blogs that I love and a few that I’ve recently found.

1. Bangkok Baby Project: This is a lovely couple living in Bangkok and they are TTC…I’ve been following their story for a while and feel like I know them. Their story helps my wife and I not feel alone.

2. The “B” Project: A sweet military couple who recently conceived. Love their story because it gives me hope that it will work for us too!

3. Olivia’s View: This women does an amazing job of addressing anything and everything one could want to know about Donor conception. Her blog has a wealth of information for anyone using a donor to conceive.

4. 2012 a Conception Odyssey: Just found this sweet couples story. They are in the very beginning of their journey to conceive and already jumping hurdles. I’m excited to get the chance to start following their journey. Check their story out at

5. Beautiful Photographs: This is an amazing photography blog that I absolutely love. Mary Meghan Mabus is the talented photographer out of Tupelo, MS and I have been dear friends with her since I was 12 years old. She shot our wedding in P-town and will one day shoot pictures of future babies! Her blog is a must see!

artificial insemination, baby, clomid, fertility, lesbian, LGBT, supportive

Meant to Be

I’m sorry that I have been absent and neglected to write for a while. I guess you could say that it was a tough weekend. I started not feeling well last Thursday and had to suffer through a 12 hour shift at work that night. While I was at work Les and I had a conversation on the phone she began to google all of my “symptoms” asking me dozens of questions about how I was feeling and if I had experienced this or that. By the end of it she had herself and pretty much me too that it was looking really good and I just had to be pregnant.

So she stops that morning on her way home from work and excitedly buys, one of the over priced tell you 6 days before your period, Preggers Tests. I open the test, dip the stick and then wait the whole 5 mins until its says it should be ready. I tried not to even look at the stick until it was time because if it was positive I wanted to be surprised. Well Times Up…and No…not Positive. Not even a hint of 2 lines. An absolute negative. I have to admit I was sad but I also thought that I may still have a chance because I hadn’t started my period yet and tests have been known to be wrong…. so I lay down to sleep that morning trying not to give up all hope.

When I woke up later in the day there it was…no more hope. I, the one who swore my hopes would not be up, sat in the bathroom with tears streaming down my face. I felt hopeless, heartbroken and totally deflated. I felt like I was letting Les down. Then I started to doubt myself and doubt my body, my fertility.

I knew that I had to tell Les and I knew that she would be sad too which didn’t make me feel any better considering she was so hopeful. I believe that this is just as much her process as it is mine and if she wants to be hopeful and excited she can be. And when I told her she was disappointed but she was sweet and felt bad that she had gotten my hopes up. (So take note: Don’t Google Everything) I just want to know what are we doing wrong? What could we do differently? We changed the timing up and took the clomid? It is just crazy how EVERYTHING has to line up just right in order for it to happen and regardless of how OCD I am not in control of all the ducks in the line. Frustrated and worried that it may not happen. We have one more try left and then we have to wait for a while. We’ll wait at least three months because if not and we ended up preggers then that would put us having a baby right in the middle of us moving next year. Another reason we have to wait is because we will need to save up more $money$ in order to start trying again. So another long wait if it doesn’t work with our 3rd and final try. No worries. No more pity party. I know if it is meant to be it will happen and if it doesn’t happen now it will eventually.


artificial insemination, baby, gay adoption, gay rights, insemination, intrauterine insemination, IUI, known donor, lesbian, lesbian moms, lesbians, LGBT, parental rights, pregnancy, second parent adoption, sperm donors, State adoption laws, supportive, TTC

Whose baby is it anyway?

I’ve been asked so many times about what our family dynamics are going to be once the baby comes and about Les’s rights as a parent considering I will be the one carrying the baby.

This is another one of those situations where straight couples have it very easy. When a guy sleeps with a girl and oops!, she ends up pregnant…no one would question that guys parental rights to the baby. When a straight couple that is dating or married find themselves pregnant yet again no one would dare question that man’s parental rights to the baby. But in our case, Les and I have been together for over four years and we are legally married in the state of Massachusetts, but when I have a baby my wife will have no parental rights to our child until we take legal action to make that happen. So not that the process of getting pregnant for lesbians isn’t hard enough, they make it even harder by making us go through the legal system in order for us both to be recognized as our child’s parents.

I’ve never been an in-your-face, flag waving, screaming for gay rights kind of girl. I rarely speak out about how I feel. I’ve never marched in a parade or stood with a sign demanding equality. Some from the gay community might even frown upon this but it is just who I am. I live my life quietly with my family in the suburbs, pay taxes just like you, abide by the laws and hope that one day our rights, not as lesbians, but as humans will one day be recognized. The right to marry the person I love and have a family with them. It frustrates me to think that Leslie and I are married and in a committed relationship trying to have a baby but when that day happens we still have to go the extra mile yet again just to have her rights as a parent recognized.

But on the bright side of things…. I am thankful for the fact that even though we still currently live in the South Eastern United States in Tennessee we do live in an state where we are allowed to do a Second Parent Adoption. “A second parent adoption is a legal procedure that allows a same-sex parent to adopt a partner’s biological or adoptive child without terminating the legal rights of the first parent.” Now I say we are allowed to do a 2nd parent adoption because there are many states where lesbian couples do not have that option available to them. For example: In the state of Florida the law prohibits ANY homosexual from adopting.

So I will live with the little rights that I do have, and be grateful that she and I have a great support system of friends around us. Les and I will use our attorney to set up and proceed with a second parent adoption so that we both have equal parental rights to our child just like it should be. But…. I do look forward to the day that lesbian couples all over the nation and all over the world can have parental rights without having to fight so damn hard for it. Okay I’m stepping of my gay soap box now….sorry for the ramblings of a Mad Lesbian Woman.

List of Gay Adoption RIghts in each state:


artificial insemination, fertility, intrauterine insemination, IUI, lesbian, lesbian moms, LGBT, pregnancy, supportive, Uncategorized

Wait and see

Well on Monday we had Insemination #2! We picked up our vial from storage and I knew where to put it without having to be told : ) Once we had signed on the dotted line that we picked it up we headed right over for our appointment. This time we were going into it knowing what to expect which made things easier. Our 3rd Wheel entered the room with a big smile happy to see us and told us the good news that our little swimmers looked great. We had a new friend who was tagging along with him this time. She was all smiles when she came in the room behind him. I would almost bet that it was her first time to see a lesbian couple having this procedure done so I wanted her to feel welcome. I smiled really big and introduced myself and my wife. I was really trying to make sure she noticed how we were normal people and not aliens like some assume. I think she was more nervous than I was. Ha! She didn’t get too close…pretty sure she stayed fairly close to the door. Maybe it was the whole I don’t want to seem too nosey or she could have been thinking, “I don’t want your wife to think I’m staring at your “good girl” because she might beat me up” or it may have been that it was her first day and she didn’t know what to do…who knows. But I got a good vibe from her, she was very nice.

During the insemination we asked Dr. Macey a few questions about our little swimmers…How long does it take them to travel? How do they know where to go? How long do they live? He answers the questions he knew… ( thank goodness he’s not one to pretend to have an answer for everything! He’s not afraid to say “Honestly I dont know”) He tells us that the little swimmers just know to “swim up stream.” & that we have top of the line swimmers. Our new friend chimes in with, “Kind of like salmon.” Yes honey, kind of like salmon…thanks for the fish reference…it did make me laugh out loud. I reply with, “I’m just glad ours looked good and they aren’t stupid ones swimming in circles going nowhere.” She thought that was funny too : ) So I’m hoping her first IUI experience was a good one and that we made a good impression on our new friend…I’m sure we’ll be seeing her again soon and I bet she’ll look less nervous next time.

So over all the process went very well and Les was by my side the whole time holding my hand and keeping me calm. We came home right away and I pretty much camped out on the couch all night! Nathan kept me company since Les had to go to work and this time I didn’t have the bad cramps that I experienced last time so that was a relief. I had a very restful evening and woke up Tuesday feeling well rested.

Conclusions are that Les thinks that this time was a success and is super Hopeful. And I am still really unsure how I feel…not really sure what kind of vibe I’m getting just yet. Its not that I’m being Negative Nancy it is just that I’m staying balanced, focused on taking care of me and just feeling good.

So the jury is out and now we’ll just have to wait and see what happens…


artificial insemination, baby, clomid, fertility, infertility, intrauterine insemination, IUI, lesbian, lesbian moms, LGBT, pregnancy, questions, supportive, twins

To Take or Not to Take? That is the Question.

Moving forward in our little journey to have a baby we’ve decided that we could have done a few things better to increase our chances. Before our first insemination I had been charting my temps for months, then started using an ovulation kit almost a week after my period with the hopes of nailing down the exact day I ovulate. Well the day came, my temp spiked just little (by a little I mean from my base temp of 96.4 up to 96.9) and when the spike in temp happens, like our Doc said it would, that means you are ovulating. But I think we may have jumped the gun on that one and inseminated too soon…because the morning after we inseminated my temp was 97.2 and technically you ovulate about 24 hours after the spike and 97.2 is a true spike for me. So there is a good chance that we inseminated too early because we were so excited that we were ovulating and…. I have zero patience. BUT this time we are really going to be strategic about this insemination. We are watching my temps really closely and we aren’t going to do the insemination until I hit the 97 degree range.

So I called my doctor’s office to let the nurse know that we weren’t preggers since I had started my period this past weekend and that we would be soon scheduling another insemination and asked her to call in the prescription for Clomid that Dr. Macey had recommended I take. Now I know what some of you are thinking right away….oh that is the drug that makes you have multiple babies!!! Well that’s exactly what we thought about too. Les right away said “Oh No! We can not handle having more than one baby. Not going to happen. No mam.” And then I’m thinking…really I do just want ONE baby but who cares if its more than one??! Well My wife, thats who : )

So what do I do…. take it or not?

After debating it I started to look into the drug information and statistics so we could truly weigh out this whole thing. Now clomid received the multiples reputation when it was first being used but that is not exactly the norm. I’ve learned quite a bit about the drug while doing my own research and thought I would share just a couple of the interesting facts I learned about it.

“Clomid Description: Clomid (clomiphene citrate tablets USP) is an orally administered, nonsteroidal, ovulatory stimulant…” (

Clomid therapy should not be administered for more than 3-6 months dependent upon many individual patient variables. Clomid studies have clearly demonstrated that pregnancy is most likely to occur during the first three months of therapy. There is little advantage to increasing the clomiphene dosage beyond that required to regulate        ovulation.” (

“Chances of Multiples on Clomid:  1 in 10 have Twins ______ 1 in 200 have triplets _______ 1 in 333 have Quads…” ( )

So YES, I will be taking the Clomid. I made up my mind that I would rather take it and end up pregnant…. even if it is with more than one baby….. than not take it and end up not pregnant at all. I just feel like we need all the help we can get here.


baby, intrauterine insemination, IUI, lesbian, lesbian moms, lesbians, LGBT, pregnancy, supportive, Uncategorized

Already Blessed

Wow! Not sure where to begin this blog. I  guess the first thing I want to say is thank you to so many of you for your sweet words and support. We feel so blessed to have so many people cheering us on. The love that everyone has shown us is just overwhelming. When I started the blog I honestly never thought that people would want to read it, let alone enjoy it! So thanks for being a part of our journey and for supporting us.

Well for our latest news…Yesterday I started my period… so it’s for sure. I’m not preggers yet. I totally saw it coming though. I was an emotional wreck all weekend partially because of the lack of sleep and watching all the tributes to 9/11 victims, but overall I was just in a funk and that isnt normal for me. So I knew it was on its way.

Yeah yeah I know its disappointing for some of you to hear, but honestly I was not surprised. Like I said in the blog where I told you that we had inseminated, I really did not feel like that was it and I did not get my hopes up. Now Leslie on the other hand had a really hard and extremely stressful weekend so when I told her, she took it pretty hard. I hated to let her down, but I know she’s okay now and ready to keep moving on.

So with all that said I’ve felt like I needed to say how lucky we are already. We are excited about the possibility of becoming mommies of a new baby but I’ve made a promise to myself to never forget that Leslie and I are already blessed to have the experience of raising a child. I have an 11 yr old son, Nathan, that Leslie has helped me raise for four years now. He always keeps us super busy and even though it isn’t his fault, he seems to keep us somewhat separated from the lesbian community. Now it’s not because he doesn’t like lesbians because his last two girl crushes have been on friends of ours that are lesbians and he loves to hang out with our friends. But the reason he keeps us at a distance is due to the fact that it is still not acceptable to bring your kid to a bar! Really? Come on! I tried multiple times to pass him off as a little person and it hasn’t yet to work! Ha! No really I’m kidding…We wouldn’t take him to the bar with us even if we could! But the reality is that the majority of our friends don’t have children and our friends that are trying to have babies don’t already have children either. So I’ll refuse to let it get me down if I don’t end up pregnant because I am a mom, Leslie is a step-mom and we are already so blessed.

Thanks again for all the support! Insemination #2 here we come!


artificial insemination, awkward, donor, gay rights, insemination, intracervical insemination, intrauterine insemination, IUI, known donor, lesbian, lesbian moms, lesbians, LGBT, pregnancy, sperm donors, supportive, TTC, Uncategorized


Well its go time….we are down to the wire and its time to get the show on the road. We are ready for our first insemination which should be in the next week or so… as long as my body cooperates. But before we can do this we have to pick our “baby daddy”…well thats just what Les and I have chosen to call him at home…we like it better than “sperm donor”. So after much deliberation we had it narrowed down to 4 guys. We decided to name them all so that when we were talking about them and debating on which one to pick we would know who we were discussing as opposed to using Donor#82564384 or whatever they number them as. We were down to Smart Guy, Scruffy, Tall Guy w/ good Teeth, & Hot Guy. Now all of these that we had it narrowed down to were all really good-looking and each had qualities that we really liked. It was really hard to even talk about what we didn’t like about them because they all really seemed to be great guys. We felt so much pressure to pick the “right” one…I mean this would be the other biological half of our kid…this should not be entered into lightly for goodness sake! Ha! Who am I kidding…this isnt that serious. I mean we are a Nuture over Nature family. We just want a healthy and good-looking baby!

So after talking these guys over we decided that we needed a back-up plan aka a “Plan B”. We watched the Real L WOrd this past season and there was a couple, Cori and Kacy, going through this process and the guy they chose only had 3 vials available… so learning from watching their experience we decided that we needed to have so back up guys that we liked just in case our 1st pick had limited vials available. Now after much deliberation we are down to 3 guys. Had to take Hot Guy out of the mix…he was hot but other than that he didn’t fare well next to the other 3 and really didn’t meet our initial requirements that we had agreed upon. We talked about the other 3 and decided to leave all three of them in the mix but we knew that we finally had a clear favorite. Drum Roll Please**********************And the Winner is*********************TALL GUY w/ the good teeth!!!!!!! Congratulations… you have been selected by this amazing lesbian couple to (hopefully) father their baby!!!

I do wonder if they are notified that someone has purchased their jiz…now talk about a self confidence booster…that would make me walk a little taller for sure! Or what if you were one of those tragic looking guys that I talked about in an earlier blog and you never got that call saying your jiz had been purchased….that would be a balloon popper.

Well anyway….its done…another step is marked off the list. We are ready to move on to the tough part of actually using this stuff and trying to get pregnant! Oh my…what a day!


artificial insemination, donor, fertility, gay rights, insemination, intracervical insemination, intrauterine insemination, IUI, lesbian, lesbian moms, lesbians, LGBT, pregnancy, sperm donors, supportive, TTC, Uncategorized

The search begins!!!

So straight couples have it easy once again…they can’t change the way the person they fell in love with looks…so therefore they have no choice but to have babies that look like themselves. Now for the lesbian couples who have decided to have a baby they have the luxury of choosing the father and his appearance. This is your one chance to be very picky and choose someone who is super hot or super smart. How many people can say that they hand selected their “baby daddy”? So SCORE…advantage the lesbians on this one!

I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that one of the first things Leslie and I said to each other is that we really didn’t want to have an ugly kid. Saying something like that out loud just makes us feel bad. But we all know that being attractive has never hurt anyone. Would you wish for an ugly child? Of course not. So why not try to pick someone who is attractive…I know that Leslie and I can provide an excellent education for our child so lets just concentrate on giving them the advantage of being attractive first.

Its an odd feeling to do an advanced search for a guy that you have no intention of dating but you plan to hopefully have his baby one day. Where do you start? Well you have several options to choose from in order to narrow down your search. You can choose the basics: Race, Hair color, Eye color, Height and Weight. Then if you want to get more detailed than that you can choose ethnic background, religion, blood type and if they want to be an identity disclosure donor or not. One of factors that Leslie and I didn’t take into consideration in the beginning was the donor we chose being an Identity Disclosure (ID) Donor or not. For those who aren’t familiar with this I’ll fill you in on what Identity Disclosure means. It means that the donor is willing to be contacted by  his biological offspring once they have reached a certain age ( 18 i think). Now this may not seem like a huge decision to most but I believe that it is one of the most important decisions in the whole donor choosing process. Deciding if your donor has to be ID or not is a big factor in how many donors you will have to choose from and the units of sperm from an ID donor will cost you more than a non ID unit. We both felt like that our future child/children should have the option to one day meet the man who is their biological father if they wished for that. I couldn’t imagine telling my kids that I had the option to pay a little extra money to allow them the right to do that but decided that it wasn’t worth it. We know that we will always be their parents and that if they meet this guy or not, he will not become more significant than us to them so why not give them the option to decide for themselves.

So you narrow down your search as little or as much and you want to then the Search Begins! You have ??? number of donors show up on your list that meet your criteria and you begin to sort through these guys. Some are so cute and others are not so cute….Some have lots of pictures and some have just one. Can I say how helpful it can be to see what the guy looked like growing up! It’s just nice to get an idea of what to expect! You can read about their medical history and their families as well. You are trying to get a glimpse into what this guy must be like and if he is worthy of being the biological father of our kid. So many choices….so much pressure….are you sure that we are picking the right one??? Talk about a tough decision that will affect you forever…well this is it.