We’ve started talking about having another baby. Just typing the words out seem crazy considering Noah just turned one! But as many of you understand this is not a quick process and it takes lots of planning to even get to the point of actually trying. I started a To Do list of things that we need to get done to get the ball rolling. The earliest we would even try is late summer so we’re 6 to 7 months out but there is so much to do.
First on my list was to contact Noah’s donor to see if he would be willing to donate for us again. As some of you know, we used a known donor that we found through a website. The last time we spoke with him was when I was 9 months pregnant asking him to go to our attorney’s office to sign paperwork concerning terminating his parental rights to Noah. So to say the least it had been a while and I was insanely nervous about contacting him.
A few weeks ago I sat down and wrote out an email to him. I spent hours typing, deleting, typing then deleting again. I thanked him for giving Les and I the chance to be parents together. I told him how much we loved and adored Noah. I told him how much he had changed our lives. You would have thought that I had written a novel considering how long it took me but nope just three paragraphs. Finally finished with my request and of course I was too afraid to hit the send button. I went back to it the next day and edited some more but still could not bring myself to hit send. I’m not scared of him but I was terrified that his answer would be no and I would be crushed. I know that he has a very busy schedule and donating takes time. I was worried that he just might be in a different place in his life and just not be willing to do it again. A week went by and I finally pulled the email back up read through it several times and forced myself to hit send.
I didn’t check my email for a few days not expecting a response. When I finally did there it was… my answer. I nervously read through the email. I read his words congratulating us on our healthy boy and our happiness. Then there it was it a perfect sentence. “I would be happy to donate again.” Tears began to flow without reserve. I am so thrilled about his response and actually feel silly now for worrying so much.
So the ball is rolling but there is still so much to do!
Well its official the Doc says I’m 100% pregnant. Not that I didn’t already know it but hearing it from him makes us feel better! Bright and early this morning we went to my appointment. While in the waiting room our doctor’s nurse came to get another patient and spotted us. She gave us a big grin and said, “Hey Ladies! So happy to see you guys! Can’t wait to hear how this came about!”. We were called back a few mins later and of course she wants to know how this all happened. So I give her the quick run down about how we had decided we couldn’t wait the 6 months for the clinic. Ordered everything online that we needed for the home insemination. Picked up the fresh swimmers from our donor 2 days in a row. Then did the inseminations ourselves. She just kept saying, “He is just going to die when he hears this news! This is amazing! I’m so excited!” Ha! It was so sweet. So our 3rd Wheel pokes his head around the corner while I was still sitting at the nurses desk answering questions and he has this big smile on his face. She says to him, “You’ll never believe what they did! They ordered stuff online and did the insemination at home and now they’re pregnant!” He leaned in and gave us both a High-Five, says Congrats and tells us we’ll have to give him all the details once he sees us in the exam room. So a few mins later we’re back in a room and he comes into talk to us. He got a little confused on the details with our insemination and thought that we had done an IUI by ourselves at home! Ha! No Way! It was much easier for him to let everything make sense when we told him that we did ICI at home. We did a quick run down of possible due date and right now he’s saying Nov 15th!!! We were too early to do an ultrasound but have one scheduled in 2 weeks. We discussed all the do’s & don’ts. In that discussion I received the best news ever! I can drink coffee!!!! I mean he said not to go overboard but 1 or 2 cups a day is fine. Sweet Lord… 1 cup is all I need!!! I was so excited I wanted to jump off the exam table and give him a hug! So we left there feeling so lucky and happy to have a doctor and nursing staff that is so supportive of us.
Now on to my other latest business. Last night I decided to tell my little man the big news while he and I were having a Momma & Son dessert date on the couch. Originally Les and I planned to tell him together but last night I couldn’t wait any longer. She was at work and I just really wanted to tell him. So I said, “Well I’ve got a big surprise for you. You’re……going…..to be…………(Long pause where he and I both kept laughing bc he said I was smiling funny)……a Big Brother!” It was the best reaction ever! You could see it all over his face! He was so excited! He gave me a big hug and said, “I want a brother please. I’m already outnumbered in the house I need another boy to balance things out.” Ha! So cute! I just adore that boy! He wants to tell everyone now. He wanted to be the ones to tell my parents which was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! Ha! I said sure thing buddy of course you can be the one to tell them. My parents invited us over for dinner so it was the perfect time to go ahead and do it. Les had to work so it was just us two over there and he couldn’t even wait until we sat down to eat. He told them kinda like I told him. He said, “So, Nana and Big Daddy, I’ve got some big news for you. I’m…(pause)….going to be………(pause)….. a Big Brother!” To my amazement they we actually happy, smiling and excited to hear the news! Score! What an awesome feeling?!? They asked a few questions about how far along I was and other little stuff but both kept saying that they we happy and excited for us. Such a relief!
Wow…I am just overwhelmed with all of the love and support that we’re getting right now. I can’t even begin to explain how great it feels to have people happy and excited for me that I’m pregnant. My first pregnancy was not like this at all. I know that it was because of how young I was and because it was very unplanned but there was no celebration when I told the news. I felt ashamed most of the time that I was pregnant and its so great to feel like this is something to be proud of now. Wow….just feels like a dream. So happy that I feel like I could burst!
Well the waiting was unbearable. I gave in on Monday and decided to go ahead and take a test early. I did the whole routine and peed in a cup, which I have become quite a professional at doing I must say… Then I dipped the stick and waited to see the NOT PREGNANT words appear. The stupid thing kept flashing and flashing…I thought for sure it was broken but finally words magically appeared… PREGNANT. I thought my eyes were screwing with me and I wasn’t reading it right. I went into the bedroom and woke Les up. She had worked the night before so she was quite startled by me shoving a pregnancy test in her face saying, “Oh My God read this for me… What does that say?” She rubs her eyes and puts her glasses on…. She looks at it and then looks back at me. “It says you’re Pregnant!” We kept looking at the stick like the words were going to change. The feeling of disbelief came over me. Sweet Lord…this can’t be true. I mean this is what we’ve been wanting and waiting for but REALLY?!?!? Is it really happening?!?!? I’m still in shock 3 days later. I would have never guessed that we would have been successful after our first at home insemination. We were both prepared for several more months of this process. I still can’t believe it. I’m so happy I feel like I could explode!
I’ve been dying to blog about it and let everyone who has been so supportive know our good news but Les wanted me to wait a little bit. She finally gave me the green light today to tell everyone. We have a doctors appointment for Tuesday for conformation But things are looking good. I’ve now taken 3 tests and have had 3 positives results. So I guess its time to let it sink in.
We Did It!!! I have to tell you that this was by far the most interesting experience. I’ll give you the run down of how it went…and I’m going to try really hard not to ramble!
So Thursday was the BIG day! We packed up what we would need for our quick stay at the hotel and left the house in separate cars. Les headed to check us into the hotel and set everything up for the insemination. I headed to our donors condo to pick up Jiz Cup #1. Yay!!! So I was supposed to pick it up at 3 and of course, for the first time in my life, I’m way too early. Like 30 mins too early. I was a nervous wreck! I drove around in circles until I couldn’t stand to wait anymore. I pulled into this complex at 2:45. I was shaking and my heart was racing! I called Les and said “I’m still early! I don’t want to rush him… it could cause him to have some kind of stage fright! What do I do?” She said “Goodness, calm down. Just send him a text. Its okay.” So I nervously sent him a text saying I was there and no rush just let me know when he was ready for me to get it. A few mins later I get a message from him saying it’s there. We had agreed that he would sit it on his porch in a bag when he was done. So I quickly make my way up the steps to grab the bag. (He had it in a MAC make-up bag, which told me his wife has good taste in make-up) I just knew that I was going to do something stupid like trip and fall on their front porch steps bc I was still a nervous wreck but thankfully I didn’t. I jump back in the car, put the cup between my legs to keep our little swimmers warm, and drive a quickly to our hotel…all of 2 miles away. I arrive to our room and handoff the cup. She had the room set up like we were about to do surgery….future doctor that she is. She gets the Jiz ready and I’m impatiently waiting for her to get this show on the road. All I could think was that our swimmers would be dying one by one if we didn’t hurry up and get them where they are supposed to be! So just like we had practiced…We used all of our fancy home insemination kit stuff and Les did the insemination perfectly. It went off without a hitch. It was surprisingly easy. Now that the swimmers were in, I propped pillows under my hips, put my legs up on the wall, and tried to relax. I know I must have looked ridiculous! The first twenty mins I felt fine then my legs started falling asleep. Then I started to feel like I needed to pee. Les wasn’t exactly sympathetic to how I was feeling… She reminded me I had to stay like that for at least another 20 mins. “We don’t want all of it to come back out! We need to keep them going in the right direction… come on you can do it. Just hang on a little longer.” So I did. I managed to stay that way for an hour! After a quick bathroom break I laid back down with my sweet wife to nap and stay relaxed…Day One was Done!
I didn’t sleep a wink Thursday night in the hotel by myself. Les was working just mins away and would be meeting our donor there in the hospital at 6:40 a.m. to pick up Jiz Cup #2. I was so jealous that she was going to get to meet him face to face! She agreed to meet him at work not knowing what to expect…would it be awkward? Would he act like he was handing her a bomb? Behind her she hears this happy voice say, “Good Morning”. She is slightly startled but turns around to see him smiling at her with the bag ready to hand to her. At first she thought he was shaking the bag at her to get her attention, but then noticed it was his whole arm shaking. Bless his heart! He must have been so nervous and totally freaked out! She says thank you. And he says, “Your welcome. See you later!” and is out of her sight in a split second. She calls me when she gets in the car and says, “Oh my God he is so cute and adorable! You can really tell he is a great guy!” Well that was just a HUGE relief! So she arrives at the hotel just a few mins after picking it up and I have everything set up this time. We feel like Pros doing it today. I should have had a stopwatch going to time how fast we were. Then like the day before I practically stood on my head afterwards, pillows piled under me and my legs on the wall. Lasted the full 45 mins and without a single complaint that time. When the time was up we laid down to get some much-needed sleep. We were both completely worn out! Slept a solid 5 hours and I don’t think I moved the whole time. We packed up and headed home so happy that it went so well and glad that we had officially broken our At Home Insemination Cherry! WooHoo!
Well we are exactly a week away from the big day and we have no idea how this is going to work. We have half of a plan…but just the first half. We know that we have all the supplies we need to make this happen. We’ve done our homework on how to do this (the insemination) and do it right. We know that our donor is on board and is ready to donate Thursday and Friday but there’s a catch. He will be at the hospital all day both days. Now that means we will meet him really quickly to do the “hand-off”. The doctor said that we need to do the insemination pretty much right away…well how in the heck is this gonna work? We will be 30 mins away from our house!
I can’t believe I’m even writing about this…We’ve considered inseminating in the car because the actual insemination will only take 5 mins or 10 mins max. The long part is me having to lay down hips elevated for at least 20 mins. But really?!?! How insane is that? In a car? I watched a documentary on 20/20 a month or so ago of couples trying to get pregnant like us using known donors. One of the couples did inseminate in the car after picking up their swimmers. They did it right down the street in a parking lot or something. Its Karma coming back to get me because I laughed at the idea of them doing that. Well I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it. Sure we do have a Tahoe with practically blacked out windows with plenty of room for me to lay down comfortably but my goodness… Is it just me that thinks this sounds crazy?
We are so ready to be pregnant and start our family but I had no idea how hard it would be, especially doing it this way. When we decided to change to using a known donor we knew all the work that was going to be on our shoulders but just not how much. Yes, we have saved thousands of dollars by choosing to do it this way but we’ve added lots of stress. I know we’ll figure it out…
What a rollercoaster…this past week I have spent more time on the phone than a telemarketer. I think we have finally nailed down a plan and are ready to get going. Unfortunately we had to let go of the idea of being able to do IUI’s right now due to the fact that we aren’t able to get around the 6 month quarantine period. We were hoping that the one other fertility clinic in our area would be able to provide the services for us but it turns out that they are almost impossible to deal with. I’m pretty sure that the patient coordinator that I spoke with at least three times has a learning disability. I wonder if she can even tie her own shoes. She could not understand what I was wanting from her clinic. Its pretty simple… Our donor comes in and donates his swimmers. You collect it… do what you do with it… put into vials, store it…then you let me use those vials without having to wait 6 months. But she kept wanting to schedule an appointment for me and our donor with one of the doctors at their clinic even after telling her I had my own doctor and I just needed the collection and storage. I think it’s safe to assume that they must not deal with very many lesbian couples. I still don’t think she understands that I do not have a problem with fertility. “Listen lady, I do not have a fertility issue.. other than the fact that my wife does not produce sperm! Is that clear enough for you?” I finally just gave up. There was no point in getting all worked up about it…time to move on.
So our hope was squashed and we had no choice but to go with Plan C. Now Plan C was our least favorite plan because it involves us having to deal directly with the Jiz. Yep. We are now going to have to do same day Intracervical Inseminations. I was a nervous wreck when I sent the email to our donor asking him if he would be okay with doing same day inseminations. This change in plan means us having to do a hand-off of his swimmers at least two days in a row each month. Which means more of a time commitment for him. Our donor has a very time consuming job and I just didn’t know if this idea would fly with him. Because seriously, how convenient is it to be at work or wherever he may be and have to drop what he’s doing to go Jiz in a cup? I was totally preparing myself for a negative response considering that really wasn’t what he originally agreed to.
The wait was awful but luckily he replied to us that night saying that he was okay with the new plan. He said the same thing that Les and I said when we realized that we were going with PlanC, “The handoffs will be a little awkward but we can make it work.” It was so nice to know that we were on the same page. I don’t know how to put into words how much I appreciate him being willing to do this for us. This guy is willing to give us a gift that will change our lives forever. We can never say thank you enough.
So here I am…hopeful, antsy, excited, nervous, etc. all at the same time. We’re looking on the bright side of going to PlanC… using fresh swimmers will work to our advantage and we’ll be pregnant soon. I start my clomid today on day 4 of my cycle and will take it for 5 days…should ovulate and inseminate exactly 7 days later! Wow! We are 2 weeks away from starting the process. So much hard work! Please God let it pay off this time!
Just when you think that things are going to be easier you get the news that you thought wrong. I called the clinic last week to schedule an appointment for our donor to come in and donate. They started setting up the appointment and everything seemed to be rolling right along. Then I said to her, “We’ll be doing our next insemination at the end of Feb…everything will be ready by then right?” Well that’s where I was SO wrong. She says to me, “Oh… No, they have to be in Quarantine for 6 months.” There’s that word again….Quarentine. I said, “You have got to be kidding me… 6 Months?” Well she was not joking at all. I didn’t know what else to say so I told her I would call back to set something up once I had talked to Les and processed all of the info.
That news came as a Big Blow. I had no idea that when we decided to use a known donor that we would be looking at not evening being able to use our donor’s donation for half a year. We can’t wait that long to start trying again. It’s been hard enough having to take a break but I can’t imagine having to wait 6 more months. I don’t know what to do!!!
Wow its been a while since I’ve sat down to write! The holidays were crazy busy! What a great Christmas with my family and Leslie’s family! We seemed to go non-stop the whole time but enjoyed every minute of it. New Years was a great time too. We had so much fun celebrating the end of 2011 with our friends. Leslie said she had never seen me so silly…I guess had a little too much fun thanks to a bottle of wine. Ha! But we agreed that I deserved a last night of fun before we get going again. Now I can say that we are really excited about what 2012 holds for our family!
During our little break it was nice to be free of the stress but I’m ready to start-up this process again. Things will be different from the last go round. We’ve found a known donor and are so excited that he is willing to help us out. He is ready to donate as soon as we’ve finalized the paperwork and set up a time with the fertility clinic. I plan on working to get all of that going this week so he can get into the clinic asap! Keeping our fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly we are hoping to do an insemination at the end of February.
So the search for a “known donor” has been strange. We kept throwing around the names of a few guys that we knew but didn’t know how to approach the situation with them. Kept thinking about the easiest way to ask “Can we have your Jiz for free please?” We had no idea how to really go about asking. While we tried to figure out how to ask someone we knew I thought why not look on-line too. And…we did find our first donor on-line so why not see if we could find our next donor this way too?
Now this search was not as easy. I had to weed through a lot of crap, came across some really “interesting” sites and couldn’t believe half of what I saw!
There was Co-parent-search.com. Did you know that there are people out there willing to have sex, get pregnant and then raise a baby with a complete stranger! I mean not as a couple but as two people who aren’t even together. Crazy!
Then there was surrogatefinder.com. No kidding there were thousands of people on this site willing to give you their egg or have a baby for you and many sperm donors too but all over seas. People in other countries don’t seem to be as attached to their sperm as American guys I guess.
Oh the best one/ Train Wreck! The private-sperm site. Yes. That’s its name. I want you to know that at this point I was dumbfounded by what I was finding. This site was by far the most thrown together site yet. In their profiles/crappy paragraphs about themselves, many of the guys would say nothing of substance and have no picture either. Now bless the ones that did post a picture….They really shouldn’t have. So most of the guys on the site are wanting to donate “free sperm” to single women or lesbian couples…um yeah about that. The kicker is that Most said they preferred or would only consider NI (natural insemination). Well I’m sure you would like that you jackass but Hell No. There is no chance that I will be sleeping with you in order to have a baby. Just Sick.
So Out of the dozens of websites, I looked at only one that was legit. The site is for Artificial Insemination Donors Only. You key in your search… put in what you are looking for and then there it is a list of guys in our area who are willing to do this for free. Did that just happen?!? It can’t be that easy…there were half a dozen right here in the Nashville area. Now I will admit that there were still several that I right away said “Oh Hell No” but I mean Xytex had some of those guys too. I wasn’t ready to reach out & contact any of the guys yet until Les had a chance to check it out. I had one guy in mind and really loved his profile but still didn’t email him.
Low and behold guess who contacts me to say he would be willing to donate for us…the same guy. Wow…talk about luck.
We corresponded back and forth and I just had a really good feeling about him. His reasons for donating were awesome and unselfish. He did not want to co-parent just wanted to donate. He’s married so in a manogmus relationship is a good sign and his wife is on board with him donating. He’s mentioned that he would be willing to donate to us again in the future if we want to have siblings without me even asking. So we now know that he is the real deal. SO excited that we’ve found one… He’s a healthy, VERY smart, good-looking, & an easy going guy. There is still a lot of work to be done before he can actually go donate but its going to happen! I just have to get the ball rolling.
We have been thinking a lot about our options of a donor. We have discussed at length the cost of staying with Xytex. For 3 months worth of trying, the little swimmers alone were around $3000, and then our doctor is a whole other charge. (Decided to change my terminology from Jiz to little swimmers…I guess it sounds less crude) We know that when using a Xytex for our donor we have the opportunity to look at them like it’s a job interview. Their donor profiles give you great insight to who they are and their medical background. We really like how they operate, and we have already had a good experience with them but….. the cost in using them is going to be a burden. Now if we would’ve had success during the past 3 months this would be a non-issue but looking to the future and knowing that we could have 2, 3 or even 4 more tries before we get pregnant we just aren’t sure what to do about the cost. So this is where we decided to think outside the box.
We started tossing the idea around of trying to find a donor that we know but aren’t close to. From the start I thought I’d never want to do it this way, but hearing other people’s stories and good experiences has made us begin to reconsider this option. We know that we would want to have very little interaction with the donor. He would go to the doctor’s office where we store our swimmers, just “drop his off”, and they would handle the rest. We would want to avoid the awkwardness at all cost! The paper work would be already drawn up relieving them of any obligation and parental rights prior to all this happening. It would really be no different from the process that we’ve been going through already except we’d know his name and maybe know him personally and the best part– we wouldn’t be spending thousands of dollars on swimmers. Now tell me that it doesn’t sound very appealing!
But so much goes into finding a donor that you “know”. We wouldn’t want someone we are close friends with. We wouldn’t want someone who we would see or run into on a regular basis. Now if they live here in the Nashville area it may be okay considering there is a good chance that we will be moving out-of-state this summer. But the task of finding someone who is willing to donate isn’t easy.
I mean this guy has to really think about what he’s doing because its kinda a Big Deal. Okay now on a more serious note… he has to be willing to donate knowing that he will have no parental role in this child’s life. It is just a “gift”. It’s the most amazing generous gift that you could ever give to a couple who is desperately wanting a child. The idea of having a healthy, smart, funny, good-looking, normal guy donate to “our cause” for free seems too good to be true, but there is a chance. And we have no idea what is going to happen. Who knows?
So that’s it. We are now open to the idea of using someone we “know”. Really don’t know anyone right now that we would ask. I think we should try to sit down and make out a list. Or maybe just put it out there to the world that we are taking applications. Announcement: The Terrell’s are Taking Applications. Thanks.
It happened. I started. It sucked. I hate that the insemination didn’t work but I know we did everything that was within our own power right and it just wasnt meant to happen this time. I’m really sad that we have to take a break from trying but we really don’t have a choice. If Les gets into school for 2012 then we have to be ready and able to move at the end of July and me being really far along in a pregnancy would mean us not being able to do that.
We’re going back to the drawing board to look for a new donor. Yes I know, I know…we spent all that time finding and deciding on Hot Guy only to abandon him after 3 tries. But we are looking at a few other options and we have a few months to figure that out.
So it is what it is and the baby making process is paused. I’m trying to think of this as a much needed break from the stress I’ve been under. I know I’m going to need a distraction or somewhere else to focus my attention for a little while so I started filling out our calendar for November and thanks to Nathan’s basketball schedule I won’t have much time to be sad about not being pregnant I’ll be lucky if I can keep up with everything we have to do.
Monday morning bright and early I woke up, took my daily ovulation test and just like the day before I had a faint positive. Les was reluctant for us to go in for the appointment without a for sure positive knowing that this is our last month to try. We arrive and they put us in our regular room. Our favorite 3rd Wheel enters the room to chat with us about events of the past month, the meds I took and ovulation symptoms. He said that he thinks we should go ahead with the insemination because even if the egg hasn’t popped out yet we know it will very soon and the little swimmers will be there waiting on it when it arrives. Once I’m on the table there is the familiar knock at the door and he comes in with a new face in tow. This newbie was eager to help and watch. Ha! I swear I thought she was going to come over his back trying to see this procedure…obviously a first for her! All finished they left the room with me laying with my head down and the lights off so I could relax…we did our 20 mins then packed up to leave knowing we’d be back in less than 24 hours for our last try.
The next morning bright and earlier than the day before I drop Nathan off at school early and head up to Dr. Macey’s office to meet Les. She worked the night before so we planned to meet there. I asked her to go and pick up the vial for us at the storage office. Well, let me just say what a huge mistake that was! I receive a call from Anita as I’m pulling into the doctor’s office parking lot…Anita: “Hello Melissa. You didn’t tell me you were having someone pick up the vial for you.” Me: “Oh I’m sorry that’s my wife Leslie. She’s on my account paperwork.” Anita: “Well I’m sorry but you’re the one listed on the vial as the patient so legally I can only give it to you or someone else with written authorization.” Then she proceeds to tell me I could fax her an authorization…Ummm, Les just told you I’m in the car, lady!! Well folks that did it. It sent Les over the edge. Les was livid that Anita was rude and offensive. Not only was the policy itself offensive when my own wife couldn’t pick up the sperm to make OUR baby, but the lady looked at her like she had 3 heads when Les told her why she was there instead of me. So my only option was to turn around and go get it myself. Thank God I was only 5 mins away. Geez. I guess we’re lucky all Les did was barge out of the office yelling “This is just F-ing ridiculous!”
Once we were able to make it to the office we proceeded with the same routine as the day before. The newbie nurse from the day before was there trying to quietly explain (Her quite voice isn’t so quite bc I heard her loud and clear) to another new face what she needed to do to assist with our insemination. The knock at the door came and in comes our 3rd wheel with the new nurse. I said to him you just have all kinds of new nurses and introduce myself and Leslie to her. She tells us she wasn’t really new that she normally works on the other side of the office and she was just helping out today. I thought to myself yeah right…You know you’ve never seen this before and are dying to watch. Well either way it was fine with us. She seemed sweet and way friendlier than the newbie from the day before. We go through the whole routine again and all goes well again. When he’s all finished he talks to us for a minute, wishes us the best of luck and tells us how hopeful he is.
We make it home and I feel pretty worn out. I’m crampy and uncomfortable so I lay down to rest. I sleep most of the day and night, feeling guilty for not being up doing things around the house. I can’t explain how it feels other than it doesn’t feel good. I’m not sure if other people have the same experience as I do but for me it’s just not fun. Then after a day of rest Wed rolls around and I’m feeling 100% again. So we did it…back to back and gave it our best shot. Nothing we can do now but wait and hope for the best!
I’ve been asked so many times about what our family dynamics are going to be once the baby comes and about Les’s rights as a parent considering I will be the one carrying the baby.
This is another one of those situations where straight couples have it very easy. When a guy sleeps with a girl and oops!, she ends up pregnant…no one would question that guys parental rights to the baby. When a straight couple that is dating or married find themselves pregnant yet again no one would dare question that man’s parental rights to the baby. But in our case, Les and I have been together for over four years and we are legally married in the state of Massachusetts, but when I have a baby my wife will have no parental rights to our child until we take legal action to make that happen. So not that the process of getting pregnant for lesbians isn’t hard enough, they make it even harder by making us go through the legal system in order for us both to be recognized as our child’s parents.
I’ve never been an in-your-face, flag waving, screaming for gay rights kind of girl. I rarely speak out about how I feel. I’ve never marched in a parade or stood with a sign demanding equality. Some from the gay community might even frown upon this but it is just who I am. I live my life quietly with my family in the suburbs, pay taxes just like you, abide by the laws and hope that one day our rights, not as lesbians, but as humans will one day be recognized. The right to marry the person I love and have a family with them. It frustrates me to think that Leslie and I are married and in a committed relationship trying to have a baby but when that day happens we still have to go the extra mile yet again just to have her rights as a parent recognized.
But on the bright side of things…. I am thankful for the fact that even though we still currently live in the South Eastern United States in Tennessee we do live in an state where we are allowed to do a Second Parent Adoption. “A second parent adoption is a legal procedure that allows a same-sex parent to adopt a partner’s biological or adoptive child without terminating the legal rights of the first parent.” Now I say we are allowed to do a 2nd parent adoption because there are many states where lesbian couples do not have that option available to them. For example: In the state of Florida the law prohibits ANY homosexual from adopting.
So I will live with the little rights that I do have, and be grateful that she and I have a great support system of friends around us. Les and I will use our attorney to set up and proceed with a second parent adoption so that we both have equal parental rights to our child just like it should be. But…. I do look forward to the day that lesbian couples all over the nation and all over the world can have parental rights without having to fight so damn hard for it. Okay I’m stepping of my gay soap box now….sorry for the ramblings of a Mad Lesbian Woman.
Trying to get pregnant is so much more work than I thought it would be. I never realized everything that goes into it when you are trying and planning for it to happen.
Leslie and I both have been researching information trying to learn about things we can do in order to increase our chances of this working for us…sooner rather than later. I hate to be impatient but I’m just ready to get this show on the road already. I’ve read articles from many different sources that looking at so much stuff
just tend to confuse me. I’ll get it in my head that I’m going to try something that I read about then I’ll see where something else worked for this other couple. My word! Can’t we all just get along…well I meant…can’t we all just come up with some consistent suggestions to help women who want to get pregnant! Everyone going in different directions and constantly contradicting each other just confuses me!
So my request is that someone just make me a list of foods to eat, exercises to do, medications & vitamins to take and lastly I’ll also need a list of things NOT to do. Considering I’ve never tried to get pregnant before and considering when I was pregnant it was unplanned 11 yrs ago, I am open for any useful suggestions because the information overload is killing me! And I’m done with Google!
I received my new Yoga 4 Fertility DVD and I was super excited to try it out. So I pop it in and am totally ready to learn something new. Actress Brenda Song is the instructor and creator of the routine… Apparently she had some trouble getting pregnant with her 2nd child and that is what inspired her to make this DVD. At times it was hard to stay focused because hearing her talk you through each pose kept reminding me watching Desperate Housewives years ago and hearing her narrate that show…just needed Eva next to me to make the experience more real.
I worked my way through the routine pretty easily. Only had one awkward part in the whole routine where she wanted you to do some kind of movement using your hands and groin. I took one look at that part and said “Oh hell no!” and skipped on to the next section. You can tell from the DVD that Brenda is a yoga champ and I must say that it was very relaxing and informative. Overall it was a good buy and I’d say if you like slow relaxing yoga then I’d recommend it. She seems to be a little weird but who am I to judge her, considering I’m writing a blog about trying to get pregnant and most of my posts have talked about Jiz.
Now moving onto more exciting news. I have to give shout out and a fist bump to my girl Brenda because it looks like I’m ovulating! Now I’m not saying I ovulated just because of her yoga routine. We all should know that there is a monthly timeline that my eggs abide by and they could care less if I do yoga with Brenda. But I do find it humorous that I did the routine then ovulate the next morning. And it is official… The pee-stick finally had 2 dark lines! Not just 1 dark one OR 1 lite & 1 dark…NO mam…it had 2dark lines! Can I just express how exciting it is to know that I didn’t run in the bed room & wake Les up for nothing this time! (*Side Note: Let us just say that my judgement of how dark a line is has not been the best and I have startled her several times. Ooops*) Well not today folks! This was it! Our first month tracking with the pee-sticks to see if I was ovulating and it happened! Wooo Hooo!
Now we’re off to see Dr. Macey in the morning, who will from now on he will be referred to as the 3rd Wheel in my blogs. We have lab work to do and a timeline to set up. It is a crazy feeling knowing that we are “so close but yet so far away”.