The Deed is Done

All went well last weekend. I literally had to remind myself we were inseminating the next day when I was leaving for work Friday night. All goes to show that this time is very different from the last. I left … Continue reading

We’re Ready

We talked to our donor and he’s willing to do the same day insemination again. He said that it wasn’t an inconvenience and didn’t mind doing it like we did last time. We are super relieved and excited that he said yes so now I guess we’re ready to get started! The only thing I’m really worried about is the tight time window that we have to work with. We only have two months to try to conceive this time. I know that we may not be as lucky as we were last time with Noah. As of right now we are planning on trying in June and July. We will be living in Nashville for the summer so it will be easy to plan but if it doesn’t take either of those months then we will have to wait until Nov and Dec to try again. : (

I am doing my best to think positively but I find myself not wanting to get my hopes up either. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and if we aren’t succesful this summer it will be okay.

Well I guess that’s the only update I have for now…

I’ve added some pictures from Easter Sunday. Our boys looked especially handsome and I am so happy with the pictures we got that day! : )

 

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5 Months Old

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Posting Noah’s 5 month update a little late but this has been a crazy couple of weeks. Noah is such a joy. He has some new loves now that he is 5 months old.

…eating fruit! Apples, Pears, Bananas, and Peaches are our current favs. I can’t seem to feed him fast enough. He gets really huffy and fusses when I don’t get the spoon back to his mouth…he can down a whole bowl of fruit with a little oatmeal in no time!

…his feet! If they aren’t covered you can bet he’s holding them. He’s even managed to get his toes in his mouth.

…rolling over! Noah is a rolling machine. Diaper changes are more difficult now and there is no more unattended naps on the couch or bed.

…being tickled! Oh boy! We have one ticklish little one on our hand. He laughs when you tickle his tummy, under his chin and his feet!

…strolling in the park! Now that spring and sprung we are out and strolling almost daily. If Noah is fussy or restless I can strap him in his stroller and before we’ve made it out of the driveway his content!

…babbling and squealing! Talk about cute! It is cutie overload when he starts babbling on and on. He gets excited and squeals so loud! He has us all laughing all the time now that he’s so vocal!

Throwing Stones at Our Own

I came across a post on the Curve Magazine Facebook page of a young couple holding a fundraiser to help them pay for their baby making process. This is a young couple that lives in Denver, CO and from what I gathered they are photographers. They are offering “perks” for donations and are trying to raise $6,500. I smiled when I saw this thinking to myself…”This is pretty clever. We should have thought of a fundraiser!” Then I started slowly scrolling through the comments and was shocked and saddened by what I read… “If they want a baby shouldn’t they be able to afford one on their own? Just my opinion”, “Wait till you have to pay childcare, ladies. If you can’t afford a baby now, the cost of raising one is really going to shock you.”, “If you can’t afford to make it you probably can’t afford to support it.”, “I find this to be an odd way to have a child….children are expensive if you can’t afford to produce one how can you afford to raise one?”, “even though I already commented I just had to come back to say that NO ONE should give money to this..stop the madness!!!”… Now, I remind you that these are all other lesbians. So just because this couple decided to seek help in raising the money for their attempts we should assume that they can’t afford to raise a child or deserve one?!? Wow! What is wrong with our community AND When did we become so hateful to each other? Is it just me or do you not feel that we as lesbians need to be supportive of each other in our efforts to start families. Now of course I don’t expect everyone to donate money to their cause but at least support the fact that a loving couple is excited to start their own family and wish them well. These people with the negative comments are acting like because they are holding this fundraiser that they are saying they can’t afford a child. They’re NOT asking for help in raising their child, they’re simply creating a fundraiser to help with their attempts to get pregnant. I’ve known more than one straight couple that has held a fundraiser to help with the expenses of adoption and no one throws stones at them. No one assumes that they don’t have the money to pay for the child once its theirs. Why are we throwing stones at our own?

Raising a baby is not ALL about money. Yes, children cost money (I know. I have two of them.) but they aren’t as crazy expensive as everyone’s comments are making them out to be. You can find ways to save money and afford the essentials. Most of all a baby needs love, attention, stability and I’m sure this couple can handle that.

We have a whole new generation of LGBT who see that we deserve to have families just like straight couples! Twenty years ago most gay and lesbian couples never even thought of trying to have children…now its 2013 and we live in a whole new world of access and availability to try to start families. Straight couples can get pregnant without a penny spent. They have an unlimited supply of sperm and can try whenever they want to. And I would dare say that many of them aren’t financially prepared. I would like to see how many capable straight couples would be getting pregnant if they had to come up with $1000 a month to try!

I am so disappointed in the reactions that these girls received. Most of you know how costly it is to make a baby in our world. Most of you saved up for months and maybe years to do so. I know Les and I had to stop trying at one point because we ran out of money. What is so wrong with this couple just asking for help?!? If a stranger wants and can afford to donate to their cause then good for them! Some may think it’s odd or weird but who cares! Don’t give if you don’t want to give. Scroll past if you don’t support them but why send out these nasty messages to them. What ever happened to…”If you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all.” ?

We live in a world with so much hate directed at the LGBT community. We are battling daily for equality. We long for the day that our marriages are recognized and we are seen as equal. We want to put a stop to the hate that we face but yet we are turning on our own people!

“You must BE the change that you want to see in the World!”- Gandhi

Here is a link to Jennie and Heather’s Fundraiser if you’d like to take a peek… http://igg.me/at/babycrate/x/2660086

Adopting Our Own Child

When we decided we wanted to have a baby we agreed that we both wanted to both be legally Noah’s parents. We live in a state where we can do a 2nd Parent Adoption. This will allow Les’s name to be put on Noah’s birth certificate and she would legally be just as much his mother as I am. So we met with our attorney a few weeks before Noah was born to talk about what we needed to do to get the ball rolling. We found that this process was not going to be as easy as we had hoped. This was going to be not only expensive but time-consuming. We are required to go through a home study just as if we were adopting a child from China. It feels weird going through the motions to essentially adopt your own child. The home study is costly and you are handed a stack of paper work that needs to be completed. We were told that were couldn’t even meet with the social worker until he was a few months old and that we can’t apply for the adoption until he is 6 months old. In the meeting with the social worker we were handed a list of things that had to be done. The list of things required is long…background checks, finger prints by the TBI, police background reports, letters from friends, family and our doctors, family medical history, proof of employment, all of our financial information, a lengthy self evaluation, two visits to our home, at least one individual interview with her and I’m sure more that has slipped my mind at the moment. We have so much on our plates right now but we don’t want this to be pushed onto a back burner. It is very important for us to do this to protect us and Noah.
One part of me wants to be angry with the process. One part of me wants to point out that there are hundreds of thousands of unfit parents in the world that do not have to jump through the hoops that we do. But the wiser part of me says NO…be thankful. Be thankful that we are able to have her adopt him. Just be thankful that we will be protected. Be thankful because we are blessed to be the mommies of one precious little boy. So I’m Thankful.

~M

Life Changes

Wow. Its amazing how quickly life changes once you’ve brought a new baby home. Noah has completely taken over our lives. I think this is the first time I’ve sat down with my laptop and felt like I had enough time to write and let everyone know how we’re doing. I never meant to stop blogging once he came along. I still feel like haven’t completely adjusted to life with a new baby yet and he’s 9 weeks old! I promise to do a better job in updating.

Les and I often look at him and say I can’t believe he’s all ours. We waited and wished for him for so long that sometimes it feels like it’s a wonderful dream that we will wake up from. He is a happy happy boy. He is always smiling and cooing. I just love the noises that he makes. We are so proud of him. We’re always taking pictures him I know he must be tired of our cameras going off. We’re regulars on Instagram ( @M_BESSTERRELL if you want to follow ) posting pictures for our family and friends to see. It’s amazing how quickly they change and grow! In 9 short weeks I look back at how tiny he was and already miss him being that small! At his 2 month visit last week he already weighed 12lbs.

I have to tell you that having a baby is not exactly like I remembered. Nate is 13 now and that means it had been 13 years since I had a baby around (I have to add that he is the greatest big brother ever. He is wonderful with Noah and just adores him). I really forgot how time-consuming a baby can be. I am quite sleep deprived. I don’t think I’ve slept longer than 4 1/2 hours since Noah was born. He sleeps consistently about a 5 hour stretch each night and even pulled a 6 hour stretch a couple of times. I know I need to but I rarely lay down right away when he sleeps. I’m always thinking that I have to take advantage of the time that he sleeps because I can’t seem to get much done when he’s awake. He LOVES to be held which means when you lay him down he cries. Neither of us can handle hearing him cry for very long so I will admit that we hold him a lot. I don’t mind holding him but have found that its nearly impossible to do house hold chores with a baby  in one arm. Thank Heaven for the Ergo Baby Carrier that we got for Christmas from my parents. That thing is a life saver! We can put him in that and he passes out! I told Les that I think he must feel like he’s back in my belly when we put him in that thing.

I often feel like the world revolves around my milk makers…thats what I call my boobs these days. I pump about 4 times a day and nurse Noah once sometimes twice a day. I started mostly pump to bottles the last couple of weeks so that I’m not the only one who can feed him. When I was only nursing him no one could help me. Nursing is very time consuming and not convinient with a 13 yo boy running around the house. So after 4 – 5 weeks of only nursing I started pumping so that we could bottle feed more. Noah has taken to the bottles really well. I was afraid that if we went to bottles he wouldn’t nurse anymore but that doesn’t seem to be a problem at all. Noah loves to eat no matter how he gets it.

So Les and I went back to work 2 weeks ago. I only work Friday and Saturday nights so it wasn’t too tough to go back considering I knew that I would be at home with Noah all week long. Les is working her crazy schedule and taking one final pre-med class. I feel sorry for her sometimes having to juggle all that she does but she’s amazing and some how finds time for it all.

Parenting to full of trial and error. We have no real schedule like we thought we would. We just take it one day at a time and enjoy having our little man in our lives. I promise to write more again soon.

Sending good vibes and lots of well wishes to all of you ladies TTC!

~M

Happy Birthday Noah!!!

Sorry for the delay! Things have been a little crazy since Noah arrived and we finally made it home. He arrived on Monday November 12th. He is amazing and we are absolutely in love with him! I promise to take the time to tell the whole story of his arrival soon but I wanted to share some pictures and let everyone who follows us know he’s here!

Here are some pictures! Enjoy!

Overwhelmed

We finally got the news that we have been waiting for…Les was accepted into Med School! I can’t say enough how proud I am of her and all of her hard work. When she didn’t get in last year we were super disappointed but the wait was well worth it. She will start school August 2013! We have about 10 months get our house sold, me find a job, decide where to live, find Nathan a school, and pack up and move to southern Alabama. Of course moving further into the Bible Belt was not my first choice but we decided a long time ago that we would be willing to go wherever she was accepted.

I will admit that leaving all of our friends and leaving my family makes me sad. We have a great support system here and I know that we will be starting from scratch once we move. I am super close with my family. I see and talk to my family on a daily basis. My sister and her family live 10 mins away. My grandparents and parents both live just 2 streets away from us. From day one I have always had the help of my parents when its come to raising Nate and they pretty much think of him as the 4th child they never had. This move is going to be really hard on them…well honestly its going to be really hard on all of us. I know moving over 6 hours away, with 2 boys and a wife that will be beyond busy with school, is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Hoping by then that I will have adjusted to being the mom of 2 instead of 1. I’m scared and excited all at the same time.

Right now I’m trying to take it one day at a time and not get overwhelmed. We’re going to focus on getting Noah here safely in the next 6 to 7 weeks before we start looking in to renting the U-Hauls for our big move.

~M

16 Weeks to go…Emotions Running Wild

I feel like I have neglected to update my blog lately. I find it hard to write most days. I have writers block or something. But I wanted to let everyone know how things were going. According to my What To Expect Pregnancy App… We have 16 weeks to go. The baby is the size of an Eggplant (I don’t know what a eggplant really looks like so that comparison doesn’t help me)….9 inches and 1.7lbs (Now that I can understand). He loves to move! Les is finally enjoying getting to feel him kick and punch. We never know when its going to happen so she often sits with her hands on my tummy while we’re watching TV or about to fall asleep. I love to see her face when she gets to feel him move…such a sweet moment.

So I’m feeling good other than a list of minor complaints…lots of lower back pain, calf cramps, my side hurting, waking up every hour to pee, daily heartburn, my ankles swelling when I’m on my feet too long, I can barely tie my shoes, shaving is almost impossible and little Noah using my bladder as his trampoline.

I will admit that I’m having trouble being as mobile as I used to be.. at times I feel like a beached whale. My doctor said that gaining about a pound a week is good and I’ve gained 24 lbs so far so I guess I’m right on target according to him. But honestly… I feel like that 24 lbs is more like 50 lbs. I’m doing my best to stay active. I am walking regularly, starting a new prenatal yoga class this weekend and feel like I’m eating well for the most part but geeze carrying all this extra weight around is a workout in itself! Just toting my baby bump should count as a daily workout!

Now to say that I’m Super Emotional and Sensitive would be putting it lightly. It doesn’t take much to turn me into a crying hot mess. Commercials. Songs on the radio. Anything slightly sensitive on television. Lord, I could go on and on about things that make me cry here lately. Les is choosing her words carefully because she’s learned I go over the edge quite easily these days. Ha! I think I’ve cried more in the last few weeks than I have in the entire 5 years she and I have been together. Bless her for putting up with me and my neediness.

Time is just flying by … 24 weeks down and just 16 to go then we’re going to be mommies! Still hard to wrap my mind around the idea of having him here.

~M

The Big Reveal!!!

Halfway!!! I can’t believe that we are Halfway through this pregnancy! We had our 20 week visit and the big ultrasound this week. We went into the ultrasound knowing that we did not want to know the sex of the baby right then. So we told the Ultrasound Tech not to tell us the sex but to write it down and put it in an envelope for us because we had planned a reveal party for that night with my family and a few friends. The ultrasound was amazing! The baby kept turning, flipping and kicking while we were trying to look at it. She was able to visualize all the major organs and everything looked great! It was such a relief to see a healthy growing baby on the screen. At the end she handed us the envelope and believe it or not I wasn’t even tempted to peek at it. We went straight to the bakery where we dropped off the envelope. We already discussed the reveal cake with the bakery. The inside of  the cake would be pink if it was a girl and blue if it were a boy. The outside was white with the words ” He or She? Open to See!” written on the cake.

The day seemed to drag by and I think if I hadn’t taken a nap that it would have felt even longer. We picked the cake up at 6:30pm and made the long drive across town to meet everyone at the restuarant. The anticipation was building and everyone couldn’t believe that Les and I didn’t even know what would be in the cake. It wasn’t easy not finding out but we wanted everyone there with us to help celebrate the moment. And what a moment it was…you can see a video clip of the Big Reveal thanks to my brother-in-law! Enjoy!

The Big Reveal

http://youtu.be/5eZTHFTBCzI

Wow…such a flood of emotions and so happy! Hope you enjoyed! Looks like we’ll be having a little Noah!!! AHHHH!!!! Its a BOY!!! Still in shock!!!

Up and Downs

Being pregnant has had its ups and downs. The ups have been amazing but right now I would say I might be on a down swing. My emotions are Out of Control and I am exhausted. I mean so exhausted that it is all I can do to motivate myself to change out of my pj’s each day. So exhausted that I have to force myself to shower. I can be laughing one minute then crying the next. No warning just tears. Les and Nate have been real troopers through all of my emotions and neediness. I don’t know if I would be able to put up with me if I were them but they have managed it very nicely.

I currently have a love hate relationship with food. Luckily (*Knock on wood*) I have not had any morning sickness. Now nausea is a different story…and this is where my battle with food begins. It seems that if I don’t eat something every few hours that I become really nauseas and sometimes dizzy too. So now I’m practically having to eat around the clock. Eating all the time is not as fun as it sounds. I am feeling really guilty and worried about how much weight I could gain with this pregnancy. I’ve been asked if I’m craving anything and honestly all it takes is me seeing a food commercial and then whatever I just saw will consume my thoughts for hours. So in other words you could say I’m craving everything! But to get specific…I have been eating the heck out of sunflower seeds so I could say that is a craving. I plan to have the art of eating sunflower seeds hands-free down by the end of this pregnancy. Right now I look like a squirrel cracking the shells, chewing them up, and throwing or spitting out the shells.

Sunday was a rollercoaster of a day. We had a great Easter lunch over at my parents house. It was a great chance to see some of my family. None of my extended family really knows about the pregnancy yet and I’m just lucky that Les isn’t super talkative because I forgot to tell her that my grandparents and aunt’s family don’t know about it yet. She didn’t mention it but that could have been fun if she did. Ha! So the worst part of the day was  that I was feeling EXTREMELY bloated. I couldn’t have sucked in my stomach if my life depended on it. I felt huge! Thank goodness for my maxi dress that helped hide my stomach. I couldn’t get comfortable all day and saying I was feeling miserable is an understatement. Poor Les kept trying to tell me that I looked beautiful and that she was happy to see my little belly showing but I was not in the mood for compliments. I reminded her that we just read that the baby is the size of a kidney bean right now so there was no excuse for me to have my gut sticking out so far. I battled my emotions all evening and bless her for listening to me whining. She gave me a fantastic back rub which helped a little. It didn’t change how uncomfortable I was but did feel great while she did it. I must tell you that I feel incredibly lucky to be married to such an amazing woman who loves me despite how challenging I can be. Hope she can hang in there since we have a long 31.5 weeks left!

But regardless of the ups and downs during this pregnancy I’m just happy to be experiencing it all. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and this was just our time. Some of you may know that Les was trying to get into Med School for this up coming year and unfortunately that didn’t happen this go round. But I truly feel like it didn’t happen for her  because we were meant to get pregnant and have this baby before she gets in. Now I don’t have to worry about going through any of this alone and she gets to be involved 100% the whole way through. My heart breaks for the couples that I know are going through this process and it hasn’t worked yet. Don’t give up hope. It will happen when the time is right.

~M

Little Nugget

Friday was a big day. We went to have our first ultrasound! We were so excited and ready to get a glimpse at our little nugget. Not sure what we were expecting but everything still just seemed so unreal. The ultrasound technician called us back and set us up. We were nervous and honestly not sure what to expect. Les was right by my side holding my hand and we were both staring intently at the screen. The ultrasound lady was so sweet. She talked us through what we were seeing step by step; then she said the words we were waiting to hear, “And that right there is your little baby.” It was amazing! So tiny and sweet! The best part was when she focused in right on the baby and another screen pops up and then there it was….. The baby’s heartbeat! It was so fast and so strong! Tears welled up in my eyes and I just squeezed Les’s hand as tight as I could. That was it. Our baby. I cannot put into words the feeling that came over us. Joy and Happiness just don’t seem to say enough. After the ultrasound was over she gave us a strip of the first photos of our little nugget. So excited to show these off.

Every Little Thing

Well I’m about 4 weeks along now and pregnancy is not as easy as I remembered it being. This is like a whole new world for me. It’s amazing how much you can forget in 12 years! So this time around I will admit I’m a nervous ninny. Every little cramp or pain makes me worry. I have been cramping off and on since finding out and thought that there is no way that cramping is normal but it is. Apparently my uterus is stretching and making the placenta for the baby to live in so that explains it. I will admit that Les and I have both been googling every little thing that we can think of and I’ve been reading other people’s blogs about their pregnancy and comparing notes.  But for the record I know what is not normal and that is that my boobs are growing by the minute! I swear they have never been this swore before! I would put money on it that they have gained 5 lbs each since us finding out. It is insane! I am extremely tired. I’ve been going to bed early every night and taking a nap at somepoint most days. I’m emotional and sensitive. I have no idea how many times I’ve cried or had a minor mental meltdown for no reason at all. I couldn’t button my skinny jeans without squeezing the air out of myself so I cried about that. Lets just say I know that I’m going to get big and thats great but its only been 4 weeks and I’m not ready to out grow my clothes yet! I really haven’t gained much weight but feel extremely bloated. And speaking of my meltdowns a few days ago Les and I made a trip to Target where I had to repark the car because I thought she didn’t park it straight enough. Then in store she made the mistake of telling me that I was acting like a crazy person. I started crying in the middle of an aisle, couldn’t make myself stop so I had to leave the store and go wait for her in the car. Ha! This is so silly. I’m beginning to think that pregnancy is making me lose my mind!

But over all everything is going really well. We are super excited about having our first Ultra-sound done next Friday…I can’t wait to see it on the screen and have picture proof!

~M