The Deed is Done

All went well last weekend. I literally had to remind myself we were inseminating the next day when I was leaving for work Friday night. All goes to show that this time is very different from the last. I left … Continue reading

It’s time!

It’s time! We will be inseminating this weekend. I can’t believe that it’s here already and we will be starting this roller coaster over again. Right now I don’t feel any stress and pressure but I know its coming. I have a distant memory of the disappointment and sadness that I felt when we weren’t successful. I can tell you that I am not looking forward to revisiting those feelings again. I’m hoping that maybe this time I will be too busy chasing after Noah and keeping up with all that Nathan has going on this summer to be bummed out if we aren’t successful.

So fingers crossed.

~M

We’re Ready

We talked to our donor and he’s willing to do the same day insemination again. He said that it wasn’t an inconvenience and didn’t mind doing it like we did last time. We are super relieved and excited that he said yes so now I guess we’re ready to get started! The only thing I’m really worried about is the tight time window that we have to work with. We only have two months to try to conceive this time. I know that we may not be as lucky as we were last time with Noah. As of right now we are planning on trying in June and July. We will be living in Nashville for the summer so it will be easy to plan but if it doesn’t take either of those months then we will have to wait until Nov and Dec to try again. : (

I am doing my best to think positively but I find myself not wanting to get my hopes up either. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and if we aren’t succesful this summer it will be okay.

Well I guess that’s the only update I have for now…

I’ve added some pictures from Easter Sunday. Our boys looked especially handsome and I am so happy with the pictures we got that day! : )

 

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Spring is Here!!!

I have never been so happy for it to be Spring! This has been the coldest winter I have ever endured. I am so happy the weather is finally warming up and the earth is going to be GREEN again! We were lucky enough that Leslie and Nathan had the same Spring Break this year so we packed up on Friday after Les’s exam and headed to Nashville. I scheduled  appointments with Noah’s pediatrician and our RE while we were in town.

On Monday we hit the ground running. Noah had his 15 month check up a month late. Bless his little heart he at 16 months weighs 23 pounds and is 30.5 inches tall. He was below average in both categories 20th percentile for weight and 16th percentile for height. Nathan was exactly the same way so no real surprise to me anyway. During the visit he wasn’t exactly his charming self. He screamed anytime the doctor or nurse touched him. He was a hot mess to say the least! I guess he felt the impending doom of the shots coming from the time we walked in the door. But we made it through the shots and he survived. The only concern that we talked about was that he isn’t using real words yet. They usually have approximately 3 words by 16 months and Noah’s not there yet. He can say Bye-Bye and Yay. But those are the only words that he’s saying. And signing words doesn’t count. So we’re going to keep working with him and I think we’re going to start a Mother’s Day Out kind of program in May. Just two days a week for 4-5 hours. It’ll be good for him.

So after his appointment we went to see our RE who happens to have his new office in the same building. Of course Noah passed out in the waiting room before we had a chance to show him off to our favorite doctor and his staff. My check up went well then we had the chance to talk to him about how we were ready to start things up again. We discussed having him write an order for the fertility clinic to collect and store the sperm from our donor. He said he’s willing to do whatever we need but suggested to save money that we just try to do same day fresh insemination with our donor again. Considering that is how we got pregnant last time he just thinks that it may be the best way to try again this time. So I’m going to contact our donor to see if he’d be willing to do it that way again. Fingers crossed if he says yes and we can hopefully give it a try in June and July!

 

 

Starting Down That Road Again

We’ve started talking about having another baby. Just typing the words out seem crazy considering Noah just turned one! But as many of you understand this is not a quick process and it takes lots of planning to even get to the point of actually trying. I started a To Do list of things that we need to get done to get the ball rolling. The earliest we would even try is late summer so we’re 6 to 7 months out but there is so much to do.

First on my list was to contact Noah’s donor to see if he would be willing to donate for us again. As some of you know, we used a known donor that we found through a website. The last time we spoke with him was when I was 9 months pregnant asking him to go to our attorney’s office to sign paperwork concerning  terminating his parental rights to Noah. So to say the least it had been a while and I was insanely nervous about contacting him.

A few weeks ago I sat down and wrote out an email to him. I spent hours typing, deleting, typing then deleting again. I thanked him for giving Les and I the chance to be parents together. I told him how much we loved and adored Noah. I told him how much he had changed our lives. You would have thought that I had written a novel considering how long it took me but nope just three paragraphs. Finally finished with my request and of course I was too afraid to hit the send button. I went back to it the next day and edited some more but still could not bring myself to hit send. I’m not scared of him but I was terrified that his answer would be no and I would be crushed. I know that he has a very busy schedule and donating takes time. I was worried that he just might be in a different place in his life and just not be willing to do it again. A week went by and I finally pulled the email back up read through it several times and forced myself to hit send.

I didn’t check my email for a few days not expecting a response. When I finally did there it was… my answer. I nervously read through the email. I read his words congratulating us on our healthy boy and our happiness. Then there it was it a perfect sentence. “I would be happy to donate again.” Tears began to flow without reserve. I am so thrilled about his response and actually feel silly now for worrying so much.

So the ball is rolling but there is still so much to do!

~M

Throwing Stones at Our Own

I came across a post on the Curve Magazine Facebook page of a young couple holding a fundraiser to help them pay for their baby making process. This is a young couple that lives in Denver, CO and from what I gathered they are photographers. They are offering “perks” for donations and are trying to raise $6,500. I smiled when I saw this thinking to myself…”This is pretty clever. We should have thought of a fundraiser!” Then I started slowly scrolling through the comments and was shocked and saddened by what I read… “If they want a baby shouldn’t they be able to afford one on their own? Just my opinion”, “Wait till you have to pay childcare, ladies. If you can’t afford a baby now, the cost of raising one is really going to shock you.”, “If you can’t afford to make it you probably can’t afford to support it.”, “I find this to be an odd way to have a child….children are expensive if you can’t afford to produce one how can you afford to raise one?”, “even though I already commented I just had to come back to say that NO ONE should give money to this..stop the madness!!!”… Now, I remind you that these are all other lesbians. So just because this couple decided to seek help in raising the money for their attempts we should assume that they can’t afford to raise a child or deserve one?!? Wow! What is wrong with our community AND When did we become so hateful to each other? Is it just me or do you not feel that we as lesbians need to be supportive of each other in our efforts to start families. Now of course I don’t expect everyone to donate money to their cause but at least support the fact that a loving couple is excited to start their own family and wish them well. These people with the negative comments are acting like because they are holding this fundraiser that they are saying they can’t afford a child. They’re NOT asking for help in raising their child, they’re simply creating a fundraiser to help with their attempts to get pregnant. I’ve known more than one straight couple that has held a fundraiser to help with the expenses of adoption and no one throws stones at them. No one assumes that they don’t have the money to pay for the child once its theirs. Why are we throwing stones at our own?

Raising a baby is not ALL about money. Yes, children cost money (I know. I have two of them.) but they aren’t as crazy expensive as everyone’s comments are making them out to be. You can find ways to save money and afford the essentials. Most of all a baby needs love, attention, stability and I’m sure this couple can handle that.

We have a whole new generation of LGBT who see that we deserve to have families just like straight couples! Twenty years ago most gay and lesbian couples never even thought of trying to have children…now its 2013 and we live in a whole new world of access and availability to try to start families. Straight couples can get pregnant without a penny spent. They have an unlimited supply of sperm and can try whenever they want to. And I would dare say that many of them aren’t financially prepared. I would like to see how many capable straight couples would be getting pregnant if they had to come up with $1000 a month to try!

I am so disappointed in the reactions that these girls received. Most of you know how costly it is to make a baby in our world. Most of you saved up for months and maybe years to do so. I know Les and I had to stop trying at one point because we ran out of money. What is so wrong with this couple just asking for help?!? If a stranger wants and can afford to donate to their cause then good for them! Some may think it’s odd or weird but who cares! Don’t give if you don’t want to give. Scroll past if you don’t support them but why send out these nasty messages to them. What ever happened to…”If you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all.” ?

We live in a world with so much hate directed at the LGBT community. We are battling daily for equality. We long for the day that our marriages are recognized and we are seen as equal. We want to put a stop to the hate that we face but yet we are turning on our own people!

“You must BE the change that you want to see in the World!”- Gandhi

Here is a link to Jennie and Heather’s Fundraiser if you’d like to take a peek… http://igg.me/at/babycrate/x/2660086

Life Changes

Wow. Its amazing how quickly life changes once you’ve brought a new baby home. Noah has completely taken over our lives. I think this is the first time I’ve sat down with my laptop and felt like I had enough time to write and let everyone know how we’re doing. I never meant to stop blogging once he came along. I still feel like haven’t completely adjusted to life with a new baby yet and he’s 9 weeks old! I promise to do a better job in updating.

Les and I often look at him and say I can’t believe he’s all ours. We waited and wished for him for so long that sometimes it feels like it’s a wonderful dream that we will wake up from. He is a happy happy boy. He is always smiling and cooing. I just love the noises that he makes. We are so proud of him. We’re always taking pictures him I know he must be tired of our cameras going off. We’re regulars on Instagram ( @M_BESSTERRELL if you want to follow ) posting pictures for our family and friends to see. It’s amazing how quickly they change and grow! In 9 short weeks I look back at how tiny he was and already miss him being that small! At his 2 month visit last week he already weighed 12lbs.

I have to tell you that having a baby is not exactly like I remembered. Nate is 13 now and that means it had been 13 years since I had a baby around (I have to add that he is the greatest big brother ever. He is wonderful with Noah and just adores him). I really forgot how time-consuming a baby can be. I am quite sleep deprived. I don’t think I’ve slept longer than 4 1/2 hours since Noah was born. He sleeps consistently about a 5 hour stretch each night and even pulled a 6 hour stretch a couple of times. I know I need to but I rarely lay down right away when he sleeps. I’m always thinking that I have to take advantage of the time that he sleeps because I can’t seem to get much done when he’s awake. He LOVES to be held which means when you lay him down he cries. Neither of us can handle hearing him cry for very long so I will admit that we hold him a lot. I don’t mind holding him but have found that its nearly impossible to do house hold chores with a baby  in one arm. Thank Heaven for the Ergo Baby Carrier that we got for Christmas from my parents. That thing is a life saver! We can put him in that and he passes out! I told Les that I think he must feel like he’s back in my belly when we put him in that thing.

I often feel like the world revolves around my milk makers…thats what I call my boobs these days. I pump about 4 times a day and nurse Noah once sometimes twice a day. I started mostly pump to bottles the last couple of weeks so that I’m not the only one who can feed him. When I was only nursing him no one could help me. Nursing is very time consuming and not convinient with a 13 yo boy running around the house. So after 4 – 5 weeks of only nursing I started pumping so that we could bottle feed more. Noah has taken to the bottles really well. I was afraid that if we went to bottles he wouldn’t nurse anymore but that doesn’t seem to be a problem at all. Noah loves to eat no matter how he gets it.

So Les and I went back to work 2 weeks ago. I only work Friday and Saturday nights so it wasn’t too tough to go back considering I knew that I would be at home with Noah all week long. Les is working her crazy schedule and taking one final pre-med class. I feel sorry for her sometimes having to juggle all that she does but she’s amazing and some how finds time for it all.

Parenting to full of trial and error. We have no real schedule like we thought we would. We just take it one day at a time and enjoy having our little man in our lives. I promise to write more again soon.

Sending good vibes and lots of well wishes to all of you ladies TTC!

~M

The Home Stretch

A few of the reasons I know I’ve reached the Home Stretch…

I waddle instead of walk.

I go to the bathroom at minimum every two hours.

My Belly takes on a life of its own moving and shaking uncontrollably when he’s awake. He’s a super active baby already!

I no longer have a belly button…as much as I hate to admit it…it looks like an outie now.

I’ve been nesting…I find myself in the nursery ALL the time organizing and reorganizing things. Last week I got a burst of energy and decided while Les was sleeping I would mow the grass, trim all of our bushes, and rake it all up. (She wasn’t so happy with me when she woke up.) I’ve packed up our bags for the hospital and also have a bag for Noah.

So I have just two weeks left until my due date. I can’t believe that we’ve made it already. I think we are nervous and excited all at the same time. Started seeing my doc once a week now. We had an ultrasound at our 36 week visit. It was so exciting to see him again. We hadn’t had an ultrasound since I was 20 weeks along. He was so big! He weighed approximately 6lbs and 2oz. He had cute little chubby cheeks and sweet little lips! He is head down and you could even see that he had hair on his head…which totally explains the insane amount of heartburn that I’ve been having! The ultrasound showed that I have more than normal amniotic fluid so we’ll be in for a treat if it breaks at home. Our doc seems to think that I’ll go into labor on my own before our due date. At our visit last week I was happy to hear that my cervix was soft now and I had dilated to almost 2cm already. So for now we are just waiting. It could be any day now! We are ready to meet little Noah and see him in person. Promise to update everyone when he arrives!

Up and Downs

Being pregnant has had its ups and downs. The ups have been amazing but right now I would say I might be on a down swing. My emotions are Out of Control and I am exhausted. I mean so exhausted that it is all I can do to motivate myself to change out of my pj’s each day. So exhausted that I have to force myself to shower. I can be laughing one minute then crying the next. No warning just tears. Les and Nate have been real troopers through all of my emotions and neediness. I don’t know if I would be able to put up with me if I were them but they have managed it very nicely.

I currently have a love hate relationship with food. Luckily (*Knock on wood*) I have not had any morning sickness. Now nausea is a different story…and this is where my battle with food begins. It seems that if I don’t eat something every few hours that I become really nauseas and sometimes dizzy too. So now I’m practically having to eat around the clock. Eating all the time is not as fun as it sounds. I am feeling really guilty and worried about how much weight I could gain with this pregnancy. I’ve been asked if I’m craving anything and honestly all it takes is me seeing a food commercial and then whatever I just saw will consume my thoughts for hours. So in other words you could say I’m craving everything! But to get specific…I have been eating the heck out of sunflower seeds so I could say that is a craving. I plan to have the art of eating sunflower seeds hands-free down by the end of this pregnancy. Right now I look like a squirrel cracking the shells, chewing them up, and throwing or spitting out the shells.

Sunday was a rollercoaster of a day. We had a great Easter lunch over at my parents house. It was a great chance to see some of my family. None of my extended family really knows about the pregnancy yet and I’m just lucky that Les isn’t super talkative because I forgot to tell her that my grandparents and aunt’s family don’t know about it yet. She didn’t mention it but that could have been fun if she did. Ha! So the worst part of the day was  that I was feeling EXTREMELY bloated. I couldn’t have sucked in my stomach if my life depended on it. I felt huge! Thank goodness for my maxi dress that helped hide my stomach. I couldn’t get comfortable all day and saying I was feeling miserable is an understatement. Poor Les kept trying to tell me that I looked beautiful and that she was happy to see my little belly showing but I was not in the mood for compliments. I reminded her that we just read that the baby is the size of a kidney bean right now so there was no excuse for me to have my gut sticking out so far. I battled my emotions all evening and bless her for listening to me whining. She gave me a fantastic back rub which helped a little. It didn’t change how uncomfortable I was but did feel great while she did it. I must tell you that I feel incredibly lucky to be married to such an amazing woman who loves me despite how challenging I can be. Hope she can hang in there since we have a long 31.5 weeks left!

But regardless of the ups and downs during this pregnancy I’m just happy to be experiencing it all. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and this was just our time. Some of you may know that Les was trying to get into Med School for this up coming year and unfortunately that didn’t happen this go round. But I truly feel like it didn’t happen for her  because we were meant to get pregnant and have this baby before she gets in. Now I don’t have to worry about going through any of this alone and she gets to be involved 100% the whole way through. My heart breaks for the couples that I know are going through this process and it hasn’t worked yet. Don’t give up hope. It will happen when the time is right.

~M

Little Nugget

Friday was a big day. We went to have our first ultrasound! We were so excited and ready to get a glimpse at our little nugget. Not sure what we were expecting but everything still just seemed so unreal. The ultrasound technician called us back and set us up. We were nervous and honestly not sure what to expect. Les was right by my side holding my hand and we were both staring intently at the screen. The ultrasound lady was so sweet. She talked us through what we were seeing step by step; then she said the words we were waiting to hear, “And that right there is your little baby.” It was amazing! So tiny and sweet! The best part was when she focused in right on the baby and another screen pops up and then there it was….. The baby’s heartbeat! It was so fast and so strong! Tears welled up in my eyes and I just squeezed Les’s hand as tight as I could. That was it. Our baby. I cannot put into words the feeling that came over us. Joy and Happiness just don’t seem to say enough. After the ultrasound was over she gave us a strip of the first photos of our little nugget. So excited to show these off.

Every Little Thing

Well I’m about 4 weeks along now and pregnancy is not as easy as I remembered it being. This is like a whole new world for me. It’s amazing how much you can forget in 12 years! So this time around I will admit I’m a nervous ninny. Every little cramp or pain makes me worry. I have been cramping off and on since finding out and thought that there is no way that cramping is normal but it is. Apparently my uterus is stretching and making the placenta for the baby to live in so that explains it. I will admit that Les and I have both been googling every little thing that we can think of and I’ve been reading other people’s blogs about their pregnancy and comparing notes.  But for the record I know what is not normal and that is that my boobs are growing by the minute! I swear they have never been this swore before! I would put money on it that they have gained 5 lbs each since us finding out. It is insane! I am extremely tired. I’ve been going to bed early every night and taking a nap at somepoint most days. I’m emotional and sensitive. I have no idea how many times I’ve cried or had a minor mental meltdown for no reason at all. I couldn’t button my skinny jeans without squeezing the air out of myself so I cried about that. Lets just say I know that I’m going to get big and thats great but its only been 4 weeks and I’m not ready to out grow my clothes yet! I really haven’t gained much weight but feel extremely bloated. And speaking of my meltdowns a few days ago Les and I made a trip to Target where I had to repark the car because I thought she didn’t park it straight enough. Then in store she made the mistake of telling me that I was acting like a crazy person. I started crying in the middle of an aisle, couldn’t make myself stop so I had to leave the store and go wait for her in the car. Ha! This is so silly. I’m beginning to think that pregnancy is making me lose my mind!

But over all everything is going really well. We are super excited about having our first Ultra-sound done next Friday…I can’t wait to see it on the screen and have picture proof!

~M

It’s Official

Well its official the Doc says I’m 100% pregnant. Not that I didn’t already know it but hearing it from him makes us feel better! Bright and early this morning we went to my appointment. While in the waiting room our doctor’s nurse came to get another patient and spotted us. She gave us a big grin and said, “Hey Ladies! So happy to see you guys! Can’t wait to hear how this came about!”. We were called back  a few mins later and of course she wants to know how this all happened. So I give her the quick run down about how we had decided we couldn’t wait the 6 months for the clinic. Ordered everything online that we needed for the home insemination. Picked up the fresh swimmers from our donor 2 days in a row. Then did the inseminations ourselves. She just kept saying, “He is just going to die when he hears this news! This is amazing! I’m so excited!” Ha! It was so sweet. So our 3rd Wheel pokes his head around the corner while I was still sitting at the nurses desk answering questions and he has this big smile on his face. She says to him, “You’ll never believe what they did! They ordered stuff online and did the insemination at home and now they’re pregnant!” He leaned in and gave us both a High-Five, says Congrats and tells us we’ll have to give him all the details once he sees us in the exam room. So a few mins later we’re back in a room and he comes into talk to us. He got a little confused on the details with our insemination and thought that we had done an IUI by ourselves at home! Ha! No Way! It was much easier for him to let everything make sense when we told him that we did ICI at home. We did a quick run down of possible due date and right now he’s saying Nov 15th!!! We were too early to do an ultrasound but have one scheduled in 2 weeks. We discussed all the do’s & don’ts. In that discussion I received the best news ever! I can drink coffee!!!! I mean he said not to go overboard but 1 or 2 cups a day is fine. Sweet Lord… 1 cup is all I need!!! I was so excited I wanted to jump off the exam table and give him a hug! So we left there feeling so lucky and happy to have a doctor and nursing staff that is so supportive of us.

Now on to my other latest business. Last night I decided to tell my little man the big news while he and I were having a Momma & Son dessert date on the couch. Originally Les and I planned to tell him together but last night I couldn’t wait any longer.  She was at work and I just really wanted to tell him. So I said, “Well I’ve got a big surprise for you. You’re……going…..to be…………(Long pause where he and I both kept laughing bc he said I was smiling funny)……a Big Brother!” It was the best reaction ever! You could see it all over his face! He was so excited! He gave me a big hug and said, “I want a brother please. I’m already outnumbered in the house I need another boy to balance things out.” Ha! So cute! I just adore that boy! He wants to tell everyone now. He wanted to be the ones to tell my parents which was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! Ha! I said sure thing buddy of course you can be the one to tell them. My parents invited us over for dinner so it was the perfect time to go ahead and do it. Les had to work so it was just us two over there and he couldn’t even wait until we sat down to eat. He told them kinda like I told him. He said, “So, Nana and Big Daddy, I’ve got some big news for you. I’m…(pause)….going to be………(pause)….. a Big Brother!” To my amazement they we actually happy, smiling and excited to hear the news! Score! What an awesome feeling?!? They asked a few questions about how far along I was and other little stuff but both kept saying that they we happy and excited for us. Such a relief!

Wow…I am just overwhelmed with all of the love and support that we’re getting right now. I can’t even begin to explain how great it feels to have people happy and excited for me that I’m pregnant. My first pregnancy was not like this at all. I know that it was because of how young I was and because it was very unplanned but there was no celebration when I told the news. I felt ashamed most of the time that I was pregnant and its so great to feel like this is something to be proud of now. Wow….just feels like a dream. So happy that I feel like I could burst!

~M

Dip Stick

Well the waiting was unbearable. I gave in on Monday and decided to go ahead and take a test early. I did the whole routine and peed in a cup, which I have become quite a professional at doing I must say… Then I dipped the stick and waited to see the NOT PREGNANT words appear. The stupid thing kept flashing and flashing…I thought for sure it was broken but finally words magically appeared… PREGNANT. I thought my eyes were screwing with me and I wasn’t reading it right. I went into the bedroom and woke Les up. She had worked the night before so she was quite startled by me shoving a pregnancy test in her face saying, “Oh My God read this for me… What does that say?” She rubs her eyes and puts her glasses on…. She looks at it and then looks back at me. “It says you’re Pregnant!” We kept looking at the stick like the words were going to change. The feeling of disbelief came over me. Sweet Lord…this can’t be true. I mean this is what we’ve been wanting and waiting for but REALLY?!?!? Is it really happening?!?!? I’m still in shock 3 days later. I would have never guessed that we would have been successful after our first at home insemination. We were both prepared for several more months of this process. I still can’t believe it. I’m so happy I feel like I could explode!

I’ve been dying to blog about it and let everyone who has been so supportive know our good news but Les wanted me to wait a little bit. She finally gave me the green light today to tell everyone. We have a doctors appointment for Tuesday for conformation But things are looking good. I’ve now taken 3 tests and have had 3 positives results. So I guess its time to let it sink in.

Fix This

Well I’m in the two-week wait period and I’m going nuts. Exactly one week ago we finished up our back to back inseminations and I have to wait another week before I will know if it worked or not. This is bogus. This week has just been creeping along and I’m pretty close to losing my mind. I’m requesting that some scientist out there fix this problem. Surely someone can come up with something that could let us know sooner if we are prego or not. If we can send people to the moon surely we can figure out if I’m pregnant before two weeks of waiting.

So for now I’ll be waiting and looking for all the signs that it worked which are all the same signs of starting my period. I’ll probably take a test next Thursday and I’ll give everyone an update then. After being in this game now for several months I have learned to not gets my hopes up too high but at the same time it would be really nice if it worked. I’m already planning out my week so that I will stay really busy and the days will fly by. Have a great weekend everyone!

~ M