This past Friday we headed to the hospital to have a baby. Apparently my cervix didn’t know I was pregnant and hadn’t dilated past one cm at 40 weeks so our doctor recommended just going ahead with the c-section and that is exactly what we did. Everything went well. Mom and Miss Quinn are both doing well. She has stolen our hearts and has us wrapped around her fingers already!
She was 8lbs 5oz and 19inches long. The boys met her later in the day. Nathan just loves her and Noah had no idea that she was coming home with us. Haha.
We left the hospital on Sunday to spend a couple of days at my parents before heading home.
On Tuesday we had her first doctors visit and first photo shoot. I couldn’t be more excited about these pictures.
Then on Wednesday we made the trip back to East Tennessee to get started in our new routine as a family of five.
37 weeks I’ll be 38 weeks along in just 2 days. And that means we’re here at the end of this pregnancy just sitting back and waiting on Miss Quinn to be ready to make her appearance. I still feel … Continue reading →
All went well last weekend. I literally had to remind myself we were inseminating the next day when I was leaving for work Friday night. All goes to show that this time is very different from the last. I left … Continue reading →
It’s time! We will be inseminating this weekend. I can’t believe that it’s here already and we will be starting this roller coaster over again. Right now I don’t feel any stress and pressure but I know its coming. I have a distant memory of the disappointment and sadness that I felt when we weren’t successful. I can tell you that I am not looking forward to revisiting those feelings again. I’m hoping that maybe this time I will be too busy chasing after Noah and keeping up with all that Nathan has going on this summer to be bummed out if we aren’t successful.
We talked to our donor and he’s willing to do the same day insemination again. He said that it wasn’t an inconvenience and didn’t mind doing it like we did last time. We are super relieved and excited that he said yes so now I guess we’re ready to get started! The only thing I’m really worried about is the tight time window that we have to work with. We only have two months to try to conceive this time. I know that we may not be as lucky as we were last time with Noah. As of right now we are planning on trying in June and July. We will be living in Nashville for the summer so it will be easy to plan but if it doesn’t take either of those months then we will have to wait until Nov and Dec to try again. : (
I am doing my best to think positively but I find myself not wanting to get my hopes up either. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and if we aren’t succesful this summer it will be okay.
Well I guess that’s the only update I have for now…
I’ve added some pictures from Easter Sunday. Our boys looked especially handsome and I am so happy with the pictures we got that day! : )
We’ve started talking about having another baby. Just typing the words out seem crazy considering Noah just turned one! But as many of you understand this is not a quick process and it takes lots of planning to even get to the point of actually trying. I started a To Do list of things that we need to get done to get the ball rolling. The earliest we would even try is late summer so we’re 6 to 7 months out but there is so much to do.
First on my list was to contact Noah’s donor to see if he would be willing to donate for us again. As some of you know, we used a known donor that we found through a website. The last time we spoke with him was when I was 9 months pregnant asking him to go to our attorney’s office to sign paperwork concerning terminating his parental rights to Noah. So to say the least it had been a while and I was insanely nervous about contacting him.
A few weeks ago I sat down and wrote out an email to him. I spent hours typing, deleting, typing then deleting again. I thanked him for giving Les and I the chance to be parents together. I told him how much we loved and adored Noah. I told him how much he had changed our lives. You would have thought that I had written a novel considering how long it took me but nope just three paragraphs. Finally finished with my request and of course I was too afraid to hit the send button. I went back to it the next day and edited some more but still could not bring myself to hit send. I’m not scared of him but I was terrified that his answer would be no and I would be crushed. I know that he has a very busy schedule and donating takes time. I was worried that he just might be in a different place in his life and just not be willing to do it again. A week went by and I finally pulled the email back up read through it several times and forced myself to hit send.
I didn’t check my email for a few days not expecting a response. When I finally did there it was… my answer. I nervously read through the email. I read his words congratulating us on our healthy boy and our happiness. Then there it was it a perfect sentence. “I would be happy to donate again.” Tears began to flow without reserve. I am so thrilled about his response and actually feel silly now for worrying so much.
So the ball is rolling but there is still so much to do!
Well the waiting was unbearable. I gave in on Monday and decided to go ahead and take a test early. I did the whole routine and peed in a cup, which I have become quite a professional at doing I must say… Then I dipped the stick and waited to see the NOT PREGNANT words appear. The stupid thing kept flashing and flashing…I thought for sure it was broken but finally words magically appeared… PREGNANT. I thought my eyes were screwing with me and I wasn’t reading it right. I went into the bedroom and woke Les up. She had worked the night before so she was quite startled by me shoving a pregnancy test in her face saying, “Oh My God read this for me… What does that say?” She rubs her eyes and puts her glasses on…. She looks at it and then looks back at me. “It says you’re Pregnant!” We kept looking at the stick like the words were going to change. The feeling of disbelief came over me. Sweet Lord…this can’t be true. I mean this is what we’ve been wanting and waiting for but REALLY?!?!? Is it really happening?!?!? I’m still in shock 3 days later. I would have never guessed that we would have been successful after our first at home insemination. We were both prepared for several more months of this process. I still can’t believe it. I’m so happy I feel like I could explode!
I’ve been dying to blog about it and let everyone who has been so supportive know our good news but Les wanted me to wait a little bit. She finally gave me the green light today to tell everyone. We have a doctors appointment for Tuesday for conformation But things are looking good. I’ve now taken 3 tests and have had 3 positives results. So I guess its time to let it sink in.
We Did It!!! I have to tell you that this was by far the most interesting experience. I’ll give you the run down of how it went…and I’m going to try really hard not to ramble!
So Thursday was the BIG day! We packed up what we would need for our quick stay at the hotel and left the house in separate cars. Les headed to check us into the hotel and set everything up for the insemination. I headed to our donors condo to pick up Jiz Cup #1. Yay!!! So I was supposed to pick it up at 3 and of course, for the first time in my life, I’m way too early. Like 30 mins too early. I was a nervous wreck! I drove around in circles until I couldn’t stand to wait anymore. I pulled into this complex at 2:45. I was shaking and my heart was racing! I called Les and said “I’m still early! I don’t want to rush him… it could cause him to have some kind of stage fright! What do I do?” She said “Goodness, calm down. Just send him a text. Its okay.” So I nervously sent him a text saying I was there and no rush just let me know when he was ready for me to get it. A few mins later I get a message from him saying it’s there. We had agreed that he would sit it on his porch in a bag when he was done. So I quickly make my way up the steps to grab the bag. (He had it in a MAC make-up bag, which told me his wife has good taste in make-up) I just knew that I was going to do something stupid like trip and fall on their front porch steps bc I was still a nervous wreck but thankfully I didn’t. I jump back in the car, put the cup between my legs to keep our little swimmers warm, and drive a quickly to our hotel…all of 2 miles away. I arrive to our room and handoff the cup. She had the room set up like we were about to do surgery….future doctor that she is. She gets the Jiz ready and I’m impatiently waiting for her to get this show on the road. All I could think was that our swimmers would be dying one by one if we didn’t hurry up and get them where they are supposed to be! So just like we had practiced…We used all of our fancy home insemination kit stuff and Les did the insemination perfectly. It went off without a hitch. It was surprisingly easy. Now that the swimmers were in, I propped pillows under my hips, put my legs up on the wall, and tried to relax. I know I must have looked ridiculous! The first twenty mins I felt fine then my legs started falling asleep. Then I started to feel like I needed to pee. Les wasn’t exactly sympathetic to how I was feeling… She reminded me I had to stay like that for at least another 20 mins. “We don’t want all of it to come back out! We need to keep them going in the right direction… come on you can do it. Just hang on a little longer.” So I did. I managed to stay that way for an hour! After a quick bathroom break I laid back down with my sweet wife to nap and stay relaxed…Day One was Done!
I didn’t sleep a wink Thursday night in the hotel by myself. Les was working just mins away and would be meeting our donor there in the hospital at 6:40 a.m. to pick up Jiz Cup #2. I was so jealous that she was going to get to meet him face to face! She agreed to meet him at work not knowing what to expect…would it be awkward? Would he act like he was handing her a bomb? Behind her she hears this happy voice say, “Good Morning”. She is slightly startled but turns around to see him smiling at her with the bag ready to hand to her. At first she thought he was shaking the bag at her to get her attention, but then noticed it was his whole arm shaking. Bless his heart! He must have been so nervous and totally freaked out! She says thank you. And he says, “Your welcome. See you later!” and is out of her sight in a split second. She calls me when she gets in the car and says, “Oh my God he is so cute and adorable! You can really tell he is a great guy!” Well that was just a HUGE relief! So she arrives at the hotel just a few mins after picking it up and I have everything set up this time. We feel like Pros doing it today. I should have had a stopwatch going to time how fast we were. Then like the day before I practically stood on my head afterwards, pillows piled under me and my legs on the wall. Lasted the full 45 mins and without a single complaint that time. When the time was up we laid down to get some much-needed sleep. We were both completely worn out! Slept a solid 5 hours and I don’t think I moved the whole time. We packed up and headed home so happy that it went so well and glad that we had officially broken our At Home Insemination Cherry! WooHoo!
Well we’ve figured it out. We’ve decided to just get a hotel room right down the street from the hospital where our donor will be. When we started thinking about it, we still have the money saved that we had planned on using for the IUI’s and those were $250 each time. Getting a hotel room will only cost us around $150 and we will be able to do our first insemination there Thursday afternoon and the 2nd one Friday before check out. Now that is WAY more appealing than inseminating in the car. I think we both would have been a nervous wreck!
I think Les is starting to get a little weirded out about having to be in charge of the Jiz. I know for her it must be pretty crazy. She will have to carry it, stir it, manage to wrangle it all into a syringe and then deposit it where it’s supposed to go. Now that’s pretty up close and personal if you ask me. Bless her heart. I know that she’ll do just fine but knowing us we’ll probably laugh through the whole thing.
We were laughing about not knowing what to say to the donor when we do the handoff. Hey buddy…so how did go? Hope you got a lot of good stuff for us!” Ha! Truthfully, I’m so glad that I will be at the hotel when she gets it from him. I have no idea what I would say and Les said it probably wasnt a great idea for me to get it from him because I would start rambling like an idiot or start getting emotional. I’d probably start crying like a crazy person, thanking him way too much, try to hug him or something weird and I’d end up scaring him away. As much as I’d like to deny that would happen she probably is right. I think its best that she takes care of that part and I just focus on being relaxed and ready.
One of my dear friends happens to be a family nurse practitioner and was giving us all kinds of advice on how to be successful. One of his suggestions was to practice how we plan to do it every day until the day of so that we have it down to a science and know that we are doing. Well we gave it a go yesterday and talk about a weird moment. I’m not kidding, once we got all the things we needed laid out and everything ready you would have thought that we were about to perform a surgery. But I’m pretty sure we got this in the bag…
So here we are just days away from doing something that still sounds crazy to me. First time without our third wheel and other onlookers. Its going to feel awful empty in the room. Oh the things lesbians will do to get knocked up.
Well we are exactly a week away from the big day and we have no idea how this is going to work. We have half of a plan…but just the first half. We know that we have all the supplies we need to make this happen. We’ve done our homework on how to do this (the insemination) and do it right. We know that our donor is on board and is ready to donate Thursday and Friday but there’s a catch. He will be at the hospital all day both days. Now that means we will meet him really quickly to do the “hand-off”. The doctor said that we need to do the insemination pretty much right away…well how in the heck is this gonna work? We will be 30 mins away from our house!
I can’t believe I’m even writing about this…We’ve considered inseminating in the car because the actual insemination will only take 5 mins or 10 mins max. The long part is me having to lay down hips elevated for at least 20 mins. But really?!?! How insane is that? In a car? I watched a documentary on 20/20 a month or so ago of couples trying to get pregnant like us using known donors. One of the couples did inseminate in the car after picking up their swimmers. They did it right down the street in a parking lot or something. Its Karma coming back to get me because I laughed at the idea of them doing that. Well I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it. Sure we do have a Tahoe with practically blacked out windows with plenty of room for me to lay down comfortably but my goodness… Is it just me that thinks this sounds crazy?
We are so ready to be pregnant and start our family but I had no idea how hard it would be, especially doing it this way. When we decided to change to using a known donor we knew all the work that was going to be on our shoulders but just not how much. Yes, we have saved thousands of dollars by choosing to do it this way but we’ve added lots of stress. I know we’ll figure it out…
What a rollercoaster…this past week I have spent more time on the phone than a telemarketer. I think we have finally nailed down a plan and are ready to get going. Unfortunately we had to let go of the idea of being able to do IUI’s right now due to the fact that we aren’t able to get around the 6 month quarantine period. We were hoping that the one other fertility clinic in our area would be able to provide the services for us but it turns out that they are almost impossible to deal with. I’m pretty sure that the patient coordinator that I spoke with at least three times has a learning disability. I wonder if she can even tie her own shoes. She could not understand what I was wanting from her clinic. Its pretty simple… Our donor comes in and donates his swimmers. You collect it… do what you do with it… put into vials, store it…then you let me use those vials without having to wait 6 months. But she kept wanting to schedule an appointment for me and our donor with one of the doctors at their clinic even after telling her I had my own doctor and I just needed the collection and storage. I think it’s safe to assume that they must not deal with very many lesbian couples. I still don’t think she understands that I do not have a problem with fertility. “Listen lady, I do not have a fertility issue.. other than the fact that my wife does not produce sperm! Is that clear enough for you?” I finally just gave up. There was no point in getting all worked up about it…time to move on.
So our hope was squashed and we had no choice but to go with Plan C. Now Plan C was our least favorite plan because it involves us having to deal directly with the Jiz. Yep. We are now going to have to do same day Intracervical Inseminations. I was a nervous wreck when I sent the email to our donor asking him if he would be okay with doing same day inseminations. This change in plan means us having to do a hand-off of his swimmers at least two days in a row each month. Which means more of a time commitment for him. Our donor has a very time consuming job and I just didn’t know if this idea would fly with him. Because seriously, how convenient is it to be at work or wherever he may be and have to drop what he’s doing to go Jiz in a cup? I was totally preparing myself for a negative response considering that really wasn’t what he originally agreed to.
The wait was awful but luckily he replied to us that night saying that he was okay with the new plan. He said the same thing that Les and I said when we realized that we were going with PlanC, “The handoffs will be a little awkward but we can make it work.” It was so nice to know that we were on the same page. I don’t know how to put into words how much I appreciate him being willing to do this for us. This guy is willing to give us a gift that will change our lives forever. We can never say thank you enough.
So here I am…hopeful, antsy, excited, nervous, etc. all at the same time. We’re looking on the bright side of going to PlanC… using fresh swimmers will work to our advantage and we’ll be pregnant soon. I start my clomid today on day 4 of my cycle and will take it for 5 days…should ovulate and inseminate exactly 7 days later! Wow! We are 2 weeks away from starting the process. So much hard work! Please God let it pay off this time!
Just when you think that things are going to be easier you get the news that you thought wrong. I called the clinic last week to schedule an appointment for our donor to come in and donate. They started setting up the appointment and everything seemed to be rolling right along. Then I said to her, “We’ll be doing our next insemination at the end of Feb…everything will be ready by then right?” Well that’s where I was SO wrong. She says to me, “Oh… No, they have to be in Quarantine for 6 months.” There’s that word again….Quarentine. I said, “You have got to be kidding me… 6 Months?” Well she was not joking at all. I didn’t know what else to say so I told her I would call back to set something up once I had talked to Les and processed all of the info.
That news came as a Big Blow. I had no idea that when we decided to use a known donor that we would be looking at not evening being able to use our donor’s donation for half a year. We can’t wait that long to start trying again. It’s been hard enough having to take a break but I can’t imagine having to wait 6 more months. I don’t know what to do!!!
Wow its been a while since I’ve sat down to write! The holidays were crazy busy! What a great Christmas with my family and Leslie’s family! We seemed to go non-stop the whole time but enjoyed every minute of it. New Years was a great time too. We had so much fun celebrating the end of 2011 with our friends. Leslie said she had never seen me so silly…I guess had a little too much fun thanks to a bottle of wine. Ha! But we agreed that I deserved a last night of fun before we get going again. Now I can say that we are really excited about what 2012 holds for our family!
During our little break it was nice to be free of the stress but I’m ready to start-up this process again. Things will be different from the last go round. We’ve found a known donor and are so excited that he is willing to help us out. He is ready to donate as soon as we’ve finalized the paperwork and set up a time with the fertility clinic. I plan on working to get all of that going this week so he can get into the clinic asap! Keeping our fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly we are hoping to do an insemination at the end of February.
We have been thinking a lot about our options of a donor. We have discussed at length the cost of staying with Xytex. For 3 months worth of trying, the little swimmers alone were around $3000, and then our doctor is a whole other charge. (Decided to change my terminology from Jiz to little swimmers…I guess it sounds less crude) We know that when using a Xytex for our donor we have the opportunity to look at them like it’s a job interview. Their donor profiles give you great insight to who they are and their medical background. We really like how they operate, and we have already had a good experience with them but….. the cost in using them is going to be a burden. Now if we would’ve had success during the past 3 months this would be a non-issue but looking to the future and knowing that we could have 2, 3 or even 4 more tries before we get pregnant we just aren’t sure what to do about the cost. So this is where we decided to think outside the box.
We started tossing the idea around of trying to find a donor that we know but aren’t close to. From the start I thought I’d never want to do it this way, but hearing other people’s stories and good experiences has made us begin to reconsider this option. We know that we would want to have very little interaction with the donor. He would go to the doctor’s office where we store our swimmers, just “drop his off”, and they would handle the rest. We would want to avoid the awkwardness at all cost! The paper work would be already drawn up relieving them of any obligation and parental rights prior to all this happening. It would really be no different from the process that we’ve been going through already except we’d know his name and maybe know him personally and the best part– we wouldn’t be spending thousands of dollars on swimmers. Now tell me that it doesn’t sound very appealing!
But so much goes into finding a donor that you “know”. We wouldn’t want someone we are close friends with. We wouldn’t want someone who we would see or run into on a regular basis. Now if they live here in the Nashville area it may be okay considering there is a good chance that we will be moving out-of-state this summer. But the task of finding someone who is willing to donate isn’t easy.
I mean this guy has to really think about what he’s doing because its kinda a Big Deal. Okay now on a more serious note… he has to be willing to donate knowing that he will have no parental role in this child’s life. It is just a “gift”. It’s the most amazing generous gift that you could ever give to a couple who is desperately wanting a child. The idea of having a healthy, smart, funny, good-looking, normal guy donate to “our cause” for free seems too good to be true, but there is a chance. And we have no idea what is going to happen. Who knows?
So that’s it. We are now open to the idea of using someone we “know”. Really don’t know anyone right now that we would ask. I think we should try to sit down and make out a list. Or maybe just put it out there to the world that we are taking applications. Announcement: The Terrell’s are Taking Applications. Thanks.
I’ve been asked so many times about what our family dynamics are going to be once the baby comes and about Les’s rights as a parent considering I will be the one carrying the baby.
This is another one of those situations where straight couples have it very easy. When a guy sleeps with a girl and oops!, she ends up pregnant…no one would question that guys parental rights to the baby. When a straight couple that is dating or married find themselves pregnant yet again no one would dare question that man’s parental rights to the baby. But in our case, Les and I have been together for over four years and we are legally married in the state of Massachusetts, but when I have a baby my wife will have no parental rights to our child until we take legal action to make that happen. So not that the process of getting pregnant for lesbians isn’t hard enough, they make it even harder by making us go through the legal system in order for us both to be recognized as our child’s parents.
I’ve never been an in-your-face, flag waving, screaming for gay rights kind of girl. I rarely speak out about how I feel. I’ve never marched in a parade or stood with a sign demanding equality. Some from the gay community might even frown upon this but it is just who I am. I live my life quietly with my family in the suburbs, pay taxes just like you, abide by the laws and hope that one day our rights, not as lesbians, but as humans will one day be recognized. The right to marry the person I love and have a family with them. It frustrates me to think that Leslie and I are married and in a committed relationship trying to have a baby but when that day happens we still have to go the extra mile yet again just to have her rights as a parent recognized.
But on the bright side of things…. I am thankful for the fact that even though we still currently live in the South Eastern United States in Tennessee we do live in an state where we are allowed to do a Second Parent Adoption. “A second parent adoption is a legal procedure that allows a same-sex parent to adopt a partner’s biological or adoptive child without terminating the legal rights of the first parent.” Now I say we are allowed to do a 2nd parent adoption because there are many states where lesbian couples do not have that option available to them. For example: In the state of Florida the law prohibits ANY homosexual from adopting.
So I will live with the little rights that I do have, and be grateful that she and I have a great support system of friends around us. Les and I will use our attorney to set up and proceed with a second parent adoption so that we both have equal parental rights to our child just like it should be. But…. I do look forward to the day that lesbian couples all over the nation and all over the world can have parental rights without having to fight so damn hard for it. Okay I’m stepping of my gay soap box now….sorry for the ramblings of a Mad Lesbian Woman.