We Did It!!! I have to tell you that this was by far the most interesting experience. I’ll give you the run down of how it went…and I’m going to try really hard not to ramble!
So Thursday was the BIG day! We packed up what we would need for our quick stay at the hotel and left the house in separate cars. Les headed to check us into the hotel and set everything up for the insemination. I headed to our donors condo to pick up Jiz Cup #1. Yay!!! So I was supposed to pick it up at 3 and of course, for the first time in my life, I’m way too early. Like 30 mins too early. I was a nervous wreck! I drove around in circles until I couldn’t stand to wait anymore. I pulled into this complex at 2:45. I was shaking and my heart was racing! I called Les and said “I’m still early! I don’t want to rush him… it could cause him to have some kind of stage fright! What do I do?” She said “Goodness, calm down. Just send him a text. Its okay.” So I nervously sent him a text saying I was there and no rush just let me know when he was ready for me to get it. A few mins later I get a message from him saying it’s there. We had agreed that he would sit it on his porch in a bag when he was done. So I quickly make my way up the steps to grab the bag. (He had it in a MAC make-up bag, which told me his wife has good taste in make-up) I just knew that I was going to do something stupid like trip and fall on their front porch steps bc I was still a nervous wreck but thankfully I didn’t. I jump back in the car, put the cup between my legs to keep our little swimmers warm, and drive a quickly to our hotel…all of 2 miles away. I arrive to our room and handoff the cup. She had the room set up like we were about to do surgery….future doctor that she is. She gets the Jiz ready and I’m impatiently waiting for her to get this show on the road. All I could think was that our swimmers would be dying one by one if we didn’t hurry up and get them where they are supposed to be! So just like we had practiced…We used all of our fancy home insemination kit stuff and Les did the insemination perfectly. It went off without a hitch. It was surprisingly easy. Now that the swimmers were in, I propped pillows under my hips, put my legs up on the wall, and tried to relax. I know I must have looked ridiculous! The first twenty mins I felt fine then my legs started falling asleep. Then I started to feel like I needed to pee. Les wasn’t exactly sympathetic to how I was feeling… She reminded me I had to stay like that for at least another 20 mins. “We don’t want all of it to come back out! We need to keep them going in the right direction… come on you can do it. Just hang on a little longer.” So I did. I managed to stay that way for an hour! After a quick bathroom break I laid back down with my sweet wife to nap and stay relaxed…Day One was Done!
I didn’t sleep a wink Thursday night in the hotel by myself. Les was working just mins away and would be meeting our donor there in the hospital at 6:40 a.m. to pick up Jiz Cup #2. I was so jealous that she was going to get to meet him face to face! She agreed to meet him at work not knowing what to expect…would it be awkward? Would he act like he was handing her a bomb? Behind her she hears this happy voice say, “Good Morning”. She is slightly startled but turns around to see him smiling at her with the bag ready to hand to her. At first she thought he was shaking the bag at her to get her attention, but then noticed it was his whole arm shaking. Bless his heart! He must have been so nervous and totally freaked out! She says thank you. And he says, “Your welcome. See you later!” and is out of her sight in a split second. She calls me when she gets in the car and says, “Oh my God he is so cute and adorable! You can really tell he is a great guy!” Well that was just a HUGE relief! So she arrives at the hotel just a few mins after picking it up and I have everything set up this time. We feel like Pros doing it today. I should have had a stopwatch going to time how fast we were. Then like the day before I practically stood on my head afterwards, pillows piled under me and my legs on the wall. Lasted the full 45 mins and without a single complaint that time. When the time was up we laid down to get some much-needed sleep. We were both completely worn out! Slept a solid 5 hours and I don’t think I moved the whole time. We packed up and headed home so happy that it went so well and glad that we had officially broken our At Home Insemination Cherry! WooHoo!
Well we’ve figured it out. We’ve decided to just get a hotel room right down the street from the hospital where our donor will be. When we started thinking about it, we still have the money saved that we had planned on using for the IUI’s and those were $250 each time. Getting a hotel room will only cost us around $150 and we will be able to do our first insemination there Thursday afternoon and the 2nd one Friday before check out. Now that is WAY more appealing than inseminating in the car. I think we both would have been a nervous wreck!
I think Les is starting to get a little weirded out about having to be in charge of the Jiz. I know for her it must be pretty crazy. She will have to carry it, stir it, manage to wrangle it all into a syringe and then deposit it where it’s supposed to go. Now that’s pretty up close and personal if you ask me. Bless her heart. I know that she’ll do just fine but knowing us we’ll probably laugh through the whole thing.
We were laughing about not knowing what to say to the donor when we do the handoff. Hey buddy…so how did go? Hope you got a lot of good stuff for us!” Ha! Truthfully, I’m so glad that I will be at the hotel when she gets it from him. I have no idea what I would say and Les said it probably wasnt a great idea for me to get it from him because I would start rambling like an idiot or start getting emotional. I’d probably start crying like a crazy person, thanking him way too much, try to hug him or something weird and I’d end up scaring him away. As much as I’d like to deny that would happen she probably is right. I think its best that she takes care of that part and I just focus on being relaxed and ready.
One of my dear friends happens to be a family nurse practitioner and was giving us all kinds of advice on how to be successful. One of his suggestions was to practice how we plan to do it every day until the day of so that we have it down to a science and know that we are doing. Well we gave it a go yesterday and talk about a weird moment. I’m not kidding, once we got all the things we needed laid out and everything ready you would have thought that we were about to perform a surgery. But I’m pretty sure we got this in the bag…
So here we are just days away from doing something that still sounds crazy to me. First time without our third wheel and other onlookers. Its going to feel awful empty in the room. Oh the things lesbians will do to get knocked up.
Well we are exactly a week away from the big day and we have no idea how this is going to work. We have half of a plan…but just the first half. We know that we have all the supplies we need to make this happen. We’ve done our homework on how to do this (the insemination) and do it right. We know that our donor is on board and is ready to donate Thursday and Friday but there’s a catch. He will be at the hospital all day both days. Now that means we will meet him really quickly to do the “hand-off”. The doctor said that we need to do the insemination pretty much right away…well how in the heck is this gonna work? We will be 30 mins away from our house!
I can’t believe I’m even writing about this…We’ve considered inseminating in the car because the actual insemination will only take 5 mins or 10 mins max. The long part is me having to lay down hips elevated for at least 20 mins. But really?!?! How insane is that? In a car? I watched a documentary on 20/20 a month or so ago of couples trying to get pregnant like us using known donors. One of the couples did inseminate in the car after picking up their swimmers. They did it right down the street in a parking lot or something. Its Karma coming back to get me because I laughed at the idea of them doing that. Well I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it. Sure we do have a Tahoe with practically blacked out windows with plenty of room for me to lay down comfortably but my goodness… Is it just me that thinks this sounds crazy?
We are so ready to be pregnant and start our family but I had no idea how hard it would be, especially doing it this way. When we decided to change to using a known donor we knew all the work that was going to be on our shoulders but just not how much. Yes, we have saved thousands of dollars by choosing to do it this way but we’ve added lots of stress. I know we’ll figure it out…
What a rollercoaster…this past week I have spent more time on the phone than a telemarketer. I think we have finally nailed down a plan and are ready to get going. Unfortunately we had to let go of the idea of being able to do IUI’s right now due to the fact that we aren’t able to get around the 6 month quarantine period. We were hoping that the one other fertility clinic in our area would be able to provide the services for us but it turns out that they are almost impossible to deal with. I’m pretty sure that the patient coordinator that I spoke with at least three times has a learning disability. I wonder if she can even tie her own shoes. She could not understand what I was wanting from her clinic. Its pretty simple… Our donor comes in and donates his swimmers. You collect it… do what you do with it… put into vials, store it…then you let me use those vials without having to wait 6 months. But she kept wanting to schedule an appointment for me and our donor with one of the doctors at their clinic even after telling her I had my own doctor and I just needed the collection and storage. I think it’s safe to assume that they must not deal with very many lesbian couples. I still don’t think she understands that I do not have a problem with fertility. “Listen lady, I do not have a fertility issue.. other than the fact that my wife does not produce sperm! Is that clear enough for you?” I finally just gave up. There was no point in getting all worked up about it…time to move on.
So our hope was squashed and we had no choice but to go with Plan C. Now Plan C was our least favorite plan because it involves us having to deal directly with the Jiz. Yep. We are now going to have to do same day Intracervical Inseminations. I was a nervous wreck when I sent the email to our donor asking him if he would be okay with doing same day inseminations. This change in plan means us having to do a hand-off of his swimmers at least two days in a row each month. Which means more of a time commitment for him. Our donor has a very time consuming job and I just didn’t know if this idea would fly with him. Because seriously, how convenient is it to be at work or wherever he may be and have to drop what he’s doing to go Jiz in a cup? I was totally preparing myself for a negative response considering that really wasn’t what he originally agreed to.
The wait was awful but luckily he replied to us that night saying that he was okay with the new plan. He said the same thing that Les and I said when we realized that we were going with PlanC, “The handoffs will be a little awkward but we can make it work.” It was so nice to know that we were on the same page. I don’t know how to put into words how much I appreciate him being willing to do this for us. This guy is willing to give us a gift that will change our lives forever. We can never say thank you enough.
So here I am…hopeful, antsy, excited, nervous, etc. all at the same time. We’re looking on the bright side of going to PlanC… using fresh swimmers will work to our advantage and we’ll be pregnant soon. I start my clomid today on day 4 of my cycle and will take it for 5 days…should ovulate and inseminate exactly 7 days later! Wow! We are 2 weeks away from starting the process. So much hard work! Please God let it pay off this time!
So the search for a “known donor” has been strange. We kept throwing around the names of a few guys that we knew but didn’t know how to approach the situation with them. Kept thinking about the easiest way to ask “Can we have your Jiz for free please?” We had no idea how to really go about asking. While we tried to figure out how to ask someone we knew I thought why not look on-line too. And…we did find our first donor on-line so why not see if we could find our next donor this way too?
Now this search was not as easy. I had to weed through a lot of crap, came across some really “interesting” sites and couldn’t believe half of what I saw!
There was Co-parent-search.com. Did you know that there are people out there willing to have sex, get pregnant and then raise a baby with a complete stranger! I mean not as a couple but as two people who aren’t even together. Crazy!
Then there was surrogatefinder.com. No kidding there were thousands of people on this site willing to give you their egg or have a baby for you and many sperm donors too but all over seas. People in other countries don’t seem to be as attached to their sperm as American guys I guess.
Oh the best one/ Train Wreck! The private-sperm site. Yes. That’s its name. I want you to know that at this point I was dumbfounded by what I was finding. This site was by far the most thrown together site yet. In their profiles/crappy paragraphs about themselves, many of the guys would say nothing of substance and have no picture either. Now bless the ones that did post a picture….They really shouldn’t have. So most of the guys on the site are wanting to donate “free sperm” to single women or lesbian couples…um yeah about that. The kicker is that Most said they preferred or would only consider NI (natural insemination). Well I’m sure you would like that you jackass but Hell No. There is no chance that I will be sleeping with you in order to have a baby. Just Sick.
So Out of the dozens of websites, I looked at only one that was legit. The site is for Artificial Insemination Donors Only. You key in your search… put in what you are looking for and then there it is a list of guys in our area who are willing to do this for free. Did that just happen?!? It can’t be that easy…there were half a dozen right here in the Nashville area. Now I will admit that there were still several that I right away said “Oh Hell No” but I mean Xytex had some of those guys too. I wasn’t ready to reach out & contact any of the guys yet until Les had a chance to check it out. I had one guy in mind and really loved his profile but still didn’t email him.
Low and behold guess who contacts me to say he would be willing to donate for us…the same guy. Wow…talk about luck.
We corresponded back and forth and I just had a really good feeling about him. His reasons for donating were awesome and unselfish. He did not want to co-parent just wanted to donate. He’s married so in a manogmus relationship is a good sign and his wife is on board with him donating. He’s mentioned that he would be willing to donate to us again in the future if we want to have siblings without me even asking. So we now know that he is the real deal. SO excited that we’ve found one… He’s a healthy, VERY smart, good-looking, & an easy going guy. There is still a lot of work to be done before he can actually go donate but its going to happen! I just have to get the ball rolling.
We have been thinking a lot about our options of a donor. We have discussed at length the cost of staying with Xytex. For 3 months worth of trying, the little swimmers alone were around $3000, and then our doctor is a whole other charge. (Decided to change my terminology from Jiz to little swimmers…I guess it sounds less crude) We know that when using a Xytex for our donor we have the opportunity to look at them like it’s a job interview. Their donor profiles give you great insight to who they are and their medical background. We really like how they operate, and we have already had a good experience with them but….. the cost in using them is going to be a burden. Now if we would’ve had success during the past 3 months this would be a non-issue but looking to the future and knowing that we could have 2, 3 or even 4 more tries before we get pregnant we just aren’t sure what to do about the cost. So this is where we decided to think outside the box.
We started tossing the idea around of trying to find a donor that we know but aren’t close to. From the start I thought I’d never want to do it this way, but hearing other people’s stories and good experiences has made us begin to reconsider this option. We know that we would want to have very little interaction with the donor. He would go to the doctor’s office where we store our swimmers, just “drop his off”, and they would handle the rest. We would want to avoid the awkwardness at all cost! The paper work would be already drawn up relieving them of any obligation and parental rights prior to all this happening. It would really be no different from the process that we’ve been going through already except we’d know his name and maybe know him personally and the best part– we wouldn’t be spending thousands of dollars on swimmers. Now tell me that it doesn’t sound very appealing!
But so much goes into finding a donor that you “know”. We wouldn’t want someone we are close friends with. We wouldn’t want someone who we would see or run into on a regular basis. Now if they live here in the Nashville area it may be okay considering there is a good chance that we will be moving out-of-state this summer. But the task of finding someone who is willing to donate isn’t easy.
I mean this guy has to really think about what he’s doing because its kinda a Big Deal. Okay now on a more serious note… he has to be willing to donate knowing that he will have no parental role in this child’s life. It is just a “gift”. It’s the most amazing generous gift that you could ever give to a couple who is desperately wanting a child. The idea of having a healthy, smart, funny, good-looking, normal guy donate to “our cause” for free seems too good to be true, but there is a chance. And we have no idea what is going to happen. Who knows?
So that’s it. We are now open to the idea of using someone we “know”. Really don’t know anyone right now that we would ask. I think we should try to sit down and make out a list. Or maybe just put it out there to the world that we are taking applications. Announcement: The Terrell’s are Taking Applications. Thanks.
Monday morning bright and early I woke up, took my daily ovulation test and just like the day before I had a faint positive. Les was reluctant for us to go in for the appointment without a for sure positive knowing that this is our last month to try. We arrive and they put us in our regular room. Our favorite 3rd Wheel enters the room to chat with us about events of the past month, the meds I took and ovulation symptoms. He said that he thinks we should go ahead with the insemination because even if the egg hasn’t popped out yet we know it will very soon and the little swimmers will be there waiting on it when it arrives. Once I’m on the table there is the familiar knock at the door and he comes in with a new face in tow. This newbie was eager to help and watch. Ha! I swear I thought she was going to come over his back trying to see this procedure…obviously a first for her! All finished they left the room with me laying with my head down and the lights off so I could relax…we did our 20 mins then packed up to leave knowing we’d be back in less than 24 hours for our last try.
The next morning bright and earlier than the day before I drop Nathan off at school early and head up to Dr. Macey’s office to meet Les. She worked the night before so we planned to meet there. I asked her to go and pick up the vial for us at the storage office. Well, let me just say what a huge mistake that was! I receive a call from Anita as I’m pulling into the doctor’s office parking lot…Anita: “Hello Melissa. You didn’t tell me you were having someone pick up the vial for you.” Me: “Oh I’m sorry that’s my wife Leslie. She’s on my account paperwork.” Anita: “Well I’m sorry but you’re the one listed on the vial as the patient so legally I can only give it to you or someone else with written authorization.” Then she proceeds to tell me I could fax her an authorization…Ummm, Les just told you I’m in the car, lady!! Well folks that did it. It sent Les over the edge. Les was livid that Anita was rude and offensive. Not only was the policy itself offensive when my own wife couldn’t pick up the sperm to make OUR baby, but the lady looked at her like she had 3 heads when Les told her why she was there instead of me. So my only option was to turn around and go get it myself. Thank God I was only 5 mins away. Geez. I guess we’re lucky all Les did was barge out of the office yelling “This is just F-ing ridiculous!”
Once we were able to make it to the office we proceeded with the same routine as the day before. The newbie nurse from the day before was there trying to quietly explain (Her quite voice isn’t so quite bc I heard her loud and clear) to another new face what she needed to do to assist with our insemination. The knock at the door came and in comes our 3rd wheel with the new nurse. I said to him you just have all kinds of new nurses and introduce myself and Leslie to her. She tells us she wasn’t really new that she normally works on the other side of the office and she was just helping out today. I thought to myself yeah right…You know you’ve never seen this before and are dying to watch. Well either way it was fine with us. She seemed sweet and way friendlier than the newbie from the day before. We go through the whole routine again and all goes well again. When he’s all finished he talks to us for a minute, wishes us the best of luck and tells us how hopeful he is.
We make it home and I feel pretty worn out. I’m crampy and uncomfortable so I lay down to rest. I sleep most of the day and night, feeling guilty for not being up doing things around the house. I can’t explain how it feels other than it doesn’t feel good. I’m not sure if other people have the same experience as I do but for me it’s just not fun. Then after a day of rest Wed rolls around and I’m feeling 100% again. So we did it…back to back and gave it our best shot. Nothing we can do now but wait and hope for the best!
I received my new Yoga 4 Fertility DVD and I was super excited to try it out. So I pop it in and am totally ready to learn something new. Actress Brenda Song is the instructor and creator of the routine… Apparently she had some trouble getting pregnant with her 2nd child and that is what inspired her to make this DVD. At times it was hard to stay focused because hearing her talk you through each pose kept reminding me watching Desperate Housewives years ago and hearing her narrate that show…just needed Eva next to me to make the experience more real.
I worked my way through the routine pretty easily. Only had one awkward part in the whole routine where she wanted you to do some kind of movement using your hands and groin. I took one look at that part and said “Oh hell no!” and skipped on to the next section. You can tell from the DVD that Brenda is a yoga champ and I must say that it was very relaxing and informative. Overall it was a good buy and I’d say if you like slow relaxing yoga then I’d recommend it. She seems to be a little weird but who am I to judge her, considering I’m writing a blog about trying to get pregnant and most of my posts have talked about Jiz.
Now moving onto more exciting news. I have to give shout out and a fist bump to my girl Brenda because it looks like I’m ovulating! Now I’m not saying I ovulated just because of her yoga routine. We all should know that there is a monthly timeline that my eggs abide by and they could care less if I do yoga with Brenda. But I do find it humorous that I did the routine then ovulate the next morning. And it is official… The pee-stick finally had 2 dark lines! Not just 1 dark one OR 1 lite & 1 dark…NO mam…it had 2dark lines! Can I just express how exciting it is to know that I didn’t run in the bed room & wake Les up for nothing this time! (*Side Note: Let us just say that my judgement of how dark a line is has not been the best and I have startled her several times. Ooops*) Well not today folks! This was it! Our first month tracking with the pee-sticks to see if I was ovulating and it happened! Wooo Hooo!
Now we’re off to see Dr. Macey in the morning, who will from now on he will be referred to as the 3rd Wheel in my blogs. We have lab work to do and a timeline to set up. It is a crazy feeling knowing that we are “so close but yet so far away”.
As we get closer to inseminating I am getting more and more anxious about the possibility of not getting pregnant. I mean we are totally ready for the stars to align and for it to take on our first attempt but we’ve had so many sources tell us that it isn’t likely to happen. So what the heck?!?!? We’ve said that we are not going to get our hopes up…but is that really possible??? We’ve dreamed about this, talked about this, and planned for this for so long that I’m not sure we can help but get excited and hope for the best. Now after spending probably too much time dwelling on this I decided to do some research on fertility…trying to bring the ball back into my own court.
Ummm….I had NO idea that there was soooo much stuff out there! Talk about information…my goodness I had a hard time deciding what to look at first. You have chinese holistic stuff, diets, hypnosis therapy, acupuncture, yoga routines, supplements and so much more…way too much to remember it all but I’m telling you anything and everything is available. I sat there in amazement looking at all this stuff then finally the information overload passed (or the ADD meds kicked in) and I was able narrow down what I wanted deciding on a couple of books and a yoga DVD. Then with the permission of the wifey I got to buy all three! WoooHooo! (*Side Note: she’s not a money control freak…but bc of the whole $pricey$ getting pregnant process we are now on a budget and I willingly surrendered all of my credit cards bc I have no self-control with spending money & she’s the budget guru that helps reign me in*) Now back to my purchased material…. These books and the DVD I bought are all supposed to help teach me ways to increase my fertility. Who wants to be fertile? Me! Me! I want to me extremely fertile so that we don’t have to spend more money buying more Jiz! These books are supposed to be pretty good…both had great reviews and One even predicts that you will be pregnant in three months! Now I may be a total sucker but I thought what the heck I’ll try it and if I don’t find myself preggers in 3 months… I’m going to be searching for someone to contact about getting my 13 dollars back!
I have a question….Am I the only one that really didn’t know there were so0000 many ways to increase your fertility and that there are thousands of books written about how to do it???
The last quick thought from my search for fertility is that from what I can tell it looks like I was actually wrong about straight couples being so lucky. Sure they have immediate access to Jiz, they have the luxury of it being free and they are able to try at home without the input of a third-party but it’s not as easy for them as I had thought. The majority of the information out there is not for lesbian couples, it’s for straight couples who have been trying for years to have a baby. Wow! I can’t imagine what that must feel like and my heart goes out to those couples. I guess because I was 18 when I had my son I never realized that some people had a hard time getting pregnant. Now I’m starting to think….well I got pregnant once before with no trouble and without even trying so maybe that’s a good sign for me : ) After all of this is over I think I’m going to buy stock in fertility books/DVDs or I might just decide to write a book of my own! Who knows???
Well I’m excited that my books and DVD will be here soon and I will be sharing all my new knowledge very soon : )
Well its go time….we are down to the wire and its time to get the show on the road. We are ready for our first insemination which should be in the next week or so… as long as my body cooperates. But before we can do this we have to pick our “baby daddy”…well thats just what Les and I have chosen to call him at home…we like it better than “sperm donor”. So after much deliberation we had it narrowed down to 4 guys. We decided to name them all so that when we were talking about them and debating on which one to pick we would know who we were discussing as opposed to using Donor#82564384 or whatever they number them as. We were down to Smart Guy, Scruffy, Tall Guy w/ good Teeth, & Hot Guy. Now all of these that we had it narrowed down to were all really good-looking and each had qualities that we really liked. It was really hard to even talk about what we didn’t like about them because they all really seemed to be great guys. We felt so much pressure to pick the “right” one…I mean this would be the other biological half of our kid…this should not be entered into lightly for goodness sake! Ha! Who am I kidding…this isnt that serious. I mean we are a Nuture over Nature family. We just want a healthy and good-looking baby!
So after talking these guys over we decided that we needed a back-up plan aka a “Plan B”. We watched the Real L WOrd this past season and there was a couple, Cori and Kacy, going through this process and the guy they chose only had 3 vials available… so learning from watching their experience we decided that we needed to have so back up guys that we liked just in case our 1st pick had limited vials available. Now after much deliberation we are down to 3 guys. Had to take Hot Guy out of the mix…he was hot but other than that he didn’t fare well next to the other 3 and really didn’t meet our initial requirements that we had agreed upon. We talked about the other 3 and decided to leave all three of them in the mix but we knew that we finally had a clear favorite. Drum Roll Please**********************And the Winner is*********************TALL GUY w/ the good teeth!!!!!!! Congratulations… you have been selected by this amazing lesbian couple to (hopefully) father their baby!!!
I do wonder if they are notified that someone has purchased their jiz…now talk about a self confidence booster…that would make me walk a little taller for sure! Or what if you were one of those tragic looking guys that I talked about in an earlier blog and you never got that call saying your jiz had been purchased….that would be a balloon popper.
Well anyway….its done…another step is marked off the list. We are ready to move on to the tough part of actually using this stuff and trying to get pregnant! Oh my…what a day!