Just weeks after learning Nathan had cancer we were thrown into this new world of treatment. We were admitted into the hospital for his chemo port placement and his first round of chemotherapy. We had so many doctors and nurses coming in to educate us on what we would be going through the next 6 months. They literally gave us a notebook full of information. In it were the names of all the chemo drugs that would be part of his treatment. All the side effects that he may or may not experience. The prescriptions that he would be taking. Lists of the labs that would be drawn each week and the normal range for him now that he will be immuno suppressed. Despite my 15 years in the medical field all of this information was brand new for me. Especially new because this wasn’t just any other patient this was my son. Being on the other side was very eye opening.
The night Nathan started chemo was scary. I had no idea what to truly expect. Would he be sick? Would he have a terrible reaction? Would it hurt? They started at 6:00 pm and it wasn’t over until 6:00 am. I didn’t sleep much that night. I stayed in the chair next to his bed holding his hand. I had several moments of tears but made sure that he didn’t see me cry. The night was long but he only felt sick a few times and the medications they gave him for that helped him sleep through most of the night.
I think every one has a moment where they wish they could trade places with someone. This was one of those moments for me and I would have given anything to take his place but all I could do was be there next to him. Be there when he needed me. Just be there to hold his hand. As a parent it was a very helpless feeling. I can’t imagine how parents of younger children go through this experience. Nathan could understand what was happening and why it was happening. Thinking about what I would do if this was my toddler laying there helped me to be thankful for that simple thing. I decided that I needed to start finding things to be grateful for throughout this process. So here we were in this new world but I would have a new mantra. “Start each day with a grateful heart.”