Starting Down That Road Again

We’ve started talking about having another baby. Just typing the words out seem crazy considering Noah just turned one! But as many of you understand this is not a quick process and it takes lots of planning to even get to the point of actually trying. I started a To Do list of things that we need to get done to get the ball rolling. The earliest we would even try is late summer so we’re 6 to 7 months out but there is so much to do.

First on my list was to contact Noah’s donor to see if he would be willing to donate for us again. As some of you know, we used a known donor that we found through a website. The last time we spoke with him was when I was 9 months pregnant asking him to go to our attorney’s office to sign paperwork concerning  terminating his parental rights to Noah. So to say the least it had been a while and I was insanely nervous about contacting him.

A few weeks ago I sat down and wrote out an email to him. I spent hours typing, deleting, typing then deleting again. I thanked him for giving Les and I the chance to be parents together. I told him how much we loved and adored Noah. I told him how much he had changed our lives. You would have thought that I had written a novel considering how long it took me but nope just three paragraphs. Finally finished with my request and of course I was too afraid to hit the send button. I went back to it the next day and edited some more but still could not bring myself to hit send. I’m not scared of him but I was terrified that his answer would be no and I would be crushed. I know that he has a very busy schedule and donating takes time. I was worried that he just might be in a different place in his life and just not be willing to do it again. A week went by and I finally pulled the email back up read through it several times and forced myself to hit send.

I didn’t check my email for a few days not expecting a response. When I finally did there it was… my answer. I nervously read through the email. I read his words congratulating us on our healthy boy and our happiness. Then there it was it a perfect sentence. “I would be happy to donate again.” Tears began to flow without reserve. I am so thrilled about his response and actually feel silly now for worrying so much.

So the ball is rolling but there is still so much to do!

~M

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10 thoughts on “Starting Down That Road Again

  1. Great! We have also talked about it. We have another two embryos on ice. It will be a few years I think, as we have all our relocation woes to deal with… But we think, if healthy, AW will carry 🙂

  2. Great news! I am very happy for you. Our donor actually came to us and asked us if we wanted another child as he was getting surgery. Kim and I are ok with just the one little girl we have, but it’s awesome you guys are getting to continue building the family you envision!

  3. You really point out an unfair/unfortunate reality of same sex family planning. Planning way in advance, letters to the donor (fearing rejection or feeling like you have to explain why you are ready to try again even though Noah is only 1)…

    In a year my partner and I will move back to a state where same sex marriage is illegal and same-sex adoption is not possible. We’ve already jumped through so many hoops to have our twins, and we know that baby #3 (if/should we have one) will be tricky as well. I’m a “glass half full” gal, so I’m just thankful that we live in a decade where there has been a lot of progress, but at the same time, I can only imagine how nice it would be to have baby planning only between me and my partner, instead of adoption professionals, donors, foster care, etc.

    I’m so glad you sent the email and it’s SO exciting he said yes! Congrats ladies!!

    • Thank you! I’m a glass half full kind of gal too. It is unfortunate that we do have to go through what we have to go through but I am happy that our donor said he is willing to donate for us again.
      I hate to hear that you are moving to a state where your marriage isn’t legal. We were legally married in MA but live in TN where it is not recognized. Luckily we were able to have Les adopt Noah. I know that one of the big LGBT attorneys in Nashville just filed a class action suit against the state of TN for a couple that moved to TN and now lost their rights as a married couple. Hoping that this might be the first of many cases that might help us gain rights in states where our marriages are not recognized.

    • Thanks! When we first started trying we did use a bank then after spending thousands of dollars and it not working we decided to go the known donor. We had alreasy discussed just going back to using a bank if our donor had said no. I am so happy he has said yes though and we don’t have to look for options!

  4. Pingback: One Month Old | and baby makes 3...hopefully

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