Adopting Our Own Child

When we decided we wanted to have a baby we agreed that we both wanted to both be legally Noah’s parents. We live in a state where we can do a 2nd Parent Adoption. This will allow Les’s name to be put on Noah’s birth certificate and she would legally be just as much his mother as I am. So we met with our attorney a few weeks before Noah was born to talk about what we needed to do to get the ball rolling. We found that this process was not going to be as easy as we had hoped. This was going to be not only expensive but time-consuming. We are required to go through a home study just as if we were adopting a child from China. It feels weird going through the motions to essentially adopt your own child. The home study is costly and you are handed a stack of paper work that needs to be completed. We were told that were couldn’t even meet with the social worker until he was a few months old and that we can’t apply for the adoption until he is 6 months old. In the meeting with the social worker we were handed a list of things that had to be done. The list of things required is long…background checks, finger prints by the TBI, police background reports, letters from friends, family and our doctors, family medical history, proof of employment, all of our financial information, a lengthy self evaluation, two visits to our home, at least one individual interview with her and I’m sure more that has slipped my mind at the moment. We have so much on our plates right now but we don’t want this to be pushed onto a back burner. It is very important for us to do this to protect us and Noah.
One part of me wants to be angry with the process. One part of me wants to point out that there are hundreds of thousands of unfit parents in the world that do not have to jump through the hoops that we do. But the wiser part of me says NO…be thankful. Be thankful that we are able to have her adopt him. Just be thankful that we will be protected. Be thankful because we are blessed to be the mommies of one precious little boy. So I’m Thankful.

~M

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5 thoughts on “Adopting Our Own Child

  1. This is something we plan to do too, although we had no idea it might be so involved! Our state will recognize Michelle as the legal parent of our child and have her name on the birth certificate, but we will need a second parent adoption for her to be recognized as the parent everywhere else. Seems ridiculous!

  2. You have every right to be angry! I know I am angry with a lot of the red tape we have to go through as a lesbian couple raising a child. We also have the option of a second parent adoption, though it will not change the birth certificate and it isn’t guaranteed. If we go through the process, it’s up to the judge to decide if they want to rule in our favor. The lawyer I talked to specifically said we had to hope we got the pro-gay judge.

    • That’s how it is in Tennessee too. Its up to the judge in the individual counties. The county we live in has a liberal judge that grants them so we’re lucky. We have some friends that live in a neighboring county and they will be the first to try to get one in their county so who knows what will happen with theirs.

      • The lawyer we talked to said there were two judges. One was liberal and one was not. However, the one that is not is married to a woman who does the home studies and is liberal. So, if we used her for the home study, he would be conflict of interest. Apparently, they have a way around it! We just don’t have the money to pay for all the fees and bills that will rack up when it comes to adoption. Hope yours goes well though! Sounds like it’s on the right track, however, frustrating!

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